About this blog

If you're looking for me to brag about how cute my kids are (which they are) or talk about how much weight I did or didn't lose this week, you are in the wrong place! I have a Facebook account for that. This blog is about the blunt truths of parenting, tips and tricks of the trade, some addicting mommy junk and all the other disgusting hilarity that ensues when you have kids...especially two kids only 12 months apart like myself.

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Thursday, March 31

Just Call CPS: Bubbi in the shower

Now I'm no idiot (insert laugh here)...I know kids can drown in even an inch of water so I would never leave them unattended in the bath, around an open toilet (especially nasty Bubbi who thinks they are splash pools) etc.

Sooo, being the bright person I am:

Bubbi, Boo and I were taking a family shower after Bubbi got her first UTI at around 15 months and the doctor suggested no more soap/shampoo etc in the bathtub. Easy enough. Boo, not so fond...Bubbi loves showers!

So we're having a nakey party in the shower and Boo has to go pee. Not wanting to confuse him as he was just starting to potty train (sure dude, pee in the shower), I took Boo to the pot and left Bubbi in the shower...just a few steps away.

He pees, we run back and HOLY CRAP!! Bubbi is seriously standing face up towards the water and struggling to get air! I get her out of the stream of water and she burps, pukes and cries. She's over it in a second and wants to go back in the shower.

WTF? Kids are really too stupid to turn their heads away from a stream of water?!?!?! Apparently.
Kind of reminds me of the myth that chickens and roosters are so stupid they drown in the rain because they keep looking up at it (apparently proved wrong by Mythbusters).

And moms like me are too stupid to think kids can only drown if there is water pooling somewhere (our shower has no tiny pools and drains like a champ)? Uh, yeah....RIGHT HERE!

So, be careful you stupid parents. Yes, kids are that dumb!

Wednesday, March 30

Bubbi's Closet: Christmas Dress 2010

I have an addiction for clothes and shoes...always have and probably always will.

Now that Bubbi is around, I project my addiction on to her (while I sport last season's Target). This section, Bubbi's Closet, will showcase some of Bubbi's creme de la creme outfits that just need some ohs and ahs.

After scouring the net for weeks in late August, I finally found THE perfect Christmas dress for Bubbi (hey, I plan ahead).

It is a red pettidress sold by Tea Cups and Mudpies (http://www.teacupsandmudpies.com/). It is very well made and fit her perceftly! She was the Belle of the ball all season long (yes, she wore it more than once). Here are a few pictures of it...

...and yes, that is the beautiful satin bow from Pinkadot Tots (http://www.etsy.com/people/PinkadotTots) that she flushed down the toilet...

Wordless Wednesday: Looking back on Boo...

As I've stated, my purpose for this blog isn't to share every amazingly wonderful detail of parenting...if I did the content on here would only be valuable to close friends and family because not every person on this earth wants to hear about how cute and sweet my kids are. BUT, I do want everyone to know parenting is amazing and rewarding...I wouldn't trade a minute of it for all the money in the world! Here is a pictorial review on the great times since motherhood became a part of me (this part is only Boo)...

super pregers with Boo

in labor before leaving for the hospital with Boo...

Daddy cried way more than me...holding new Boo...

Going home with Boo...and NO there isn't another baby in that belly lol...

Carmel with Boo...

First time eating carrots...

Such a good looking dude!

Boo's first birthday party...held 3 weeks early in case Bubbi came early...

Random Rants: Bow Flushing

I was recently looking for Bubbi's satin red bow....then I remembered why I couldn't find it.

She "accidentally" flushed it down the toilet.

Bubbi has long been overly interested in all things having to do with the potty. Several months ago we were at a restaurant taking a potty break in an attempt to not tear the whole restaurant down before our food came.

Boo (yes, we travel in herds round here to the bathroom) flushed the high powered toilet and at that exact moment Bubbi had an uncontrollable urge to rip her beautiful bow out of her hair and toss in the pot.

Woosh! Scream (I totally over-reacted as it really was a super cute bow)! Bubbi looks at me and I say, as any stupid mom, "ALL GONE!!!" She freaks out and starts screaming, "BOW! BOW!!!"  I explain that we don't put things in the toilet because then they are all gone.

Ten minutes later she calms down and our food comes. Lord, I can't take this girl anywhere!

Tuesday, March 29

Recipe: Super healthy tukery pasta

In case you're a little dense or this is your first visit to my blog, I am not an awesome fifties housewife that cooks from scratch and keeps a perfect house. So recipes will be far and few between on here...and probably will consist of compiling several ready made ingredients! There's my disclosure.

Most young kids need a good high fat, high calorie meal here and there. By high fat, I mean high monounsaturated fats...not saturated animal fats from meat, butter and dairy. That is why I buy the leanest meat I can then add fat and calories with good fats such as olive oil and avacados.

Here is my super healthy turkey pasta! I make a large batch of the sauce and freeze it in two or three large portions so we can have it once a week without a huge hoopla and mess.

~One package of super lean ground turkey
~Lots of olive oil
~One standard sized bag of frozen veggie mix
~One jar of your favorite pasta sauce (that you hopefully bought on sale and stocked up on)
~Barilla Plus Rotini Pasta (I get this kind because it has extra protein & omega-3s plus is multigrain...and rotini picks up lots of the sauce which is what you really want the kids to eat in this recipe)
~Ground flaxseed (I buy Spectrum Naturals - Essential Flaxseed Ground Organic, 14 oz granules)

1. Start cooking your ground pasta in a huge pan with LOTS of olive oil (you bought the extra lean to avoid the bad animal fat, now you must add the good monounsaturated fats to keep this a nice healthy but high calorie meal for the kiddos)...lots to me is around 1/4 cup or more.

2. Start your water boiling for your pasta.

3. Defrost your whole bag of frozen veggies (I usually put them in a colander and run hot water over them) and then throw them in a blender (or your food processor if your husband recently broker your blender...grrr).

4. Add a little bit of your fave jarred pasta sauce and turn that sucker on. Keep adding the sauce until you now have blended the whole jar of pasta sauce and the entire bag of vegetables into an unrecognizable reddish orange mix.

5. Add a few tablespoons of ground flaxseed and blend more (this does add a bit of texture to the sauce...if you  have super picky eaters, consider buying flaxseed oil to add instead).

6. I hope you have been stirring your turkey...stir the turkey!

7. Once the turkey is FULLY COOKED (I cook the crap out of any ground meat...so nasty...ground meat goes through a variety of machines etc to get ground which gives it extra chances to get exposed to botulism etc...SO COOK THE CRAP OUT OF IT PLEASE!) add all of your blended sauce and simmer until your pasta is cooked.

8. I hope you remembered to add some pasta to your boiling water! If not, do so now...then wait the extra 7 minutes you could have saved by doing it a few steps ago. Don't go sit on your ass, clean your kitchen or something.

9. Serve and enjoy!

Take the extra (there should be a lot unless you have a large family) and freeze it. Consider making a double batch next time as this recipe freezes very well...all you need to do is toss a frozen container of it in the fridge the morning you plan to serve it and heat it up, serve over freshly boiled pasta.

Beware adult eaters! This is calorie (and nutrient) dense...not something you, as an adult, want to chow on regularly unless your one of those people everyone loves to hate that can't keep weight on. Give yourself a small portion with a large salad or something. Great for kids though!! Much better option than unhealthy treats or even whole milk or cheeses (anything high fat from animal products is not a great fat) if your child is underweight or on the lower end of the charts like mine tend to be.

Monday, March 28

Vaccinations: What I did...wrong

So as a parent I'm sure you have heard about all the controversy that surrounds immunizations/vaccinations. If you haven't, google it because you should! Read this after you are a little less dense on such an important issue for your child/ren.

Having worked with an autistic girl for several years in college, I became terrified of the slough of vaccinations the CDC (Center for Disease Control and Prevention) recommends children get in the first few years of their lives. In the first two years of life, the CDC recommends three hepatitis B shots, three rotavirus shots, four DTaP shots (each one contains diphtheria, pertussis whooping cough and tetanus), four Hib shots, four pneumococcal/pneumonia shots, three polio shots, a flu shot, one MMR shot  (contains measles, mumps and rubella), one varicella/chickenpox shot and two hepatitis A shots. That is TWENTY SIX SHOTS with a total of 36 viral/bacterial exposures (or whatever you would call it) to 14 different diseases.

Now let's look at the same CDC suggested schedule from the time many of us parents were getting immunized. In 1980, infants were vaccinated against four diseases -- diphtheria, tetanus, pertussis, and polio (http://www8.nationalacademies.org/onpinews/newsitem.aspx?RecordID=10306). FOUR. That's it...four different immunizations in comparison to the 14 they recommend today.

Yes, science has advanced to allow these. Yes, tons of lives have been saved.

The rate of autism appears to have gone up significantly since the 1980s (this is a very debated topic in itself as there has also been large changes in diagnostic practices). There is also the fact that the United States has what appears to be the largest prevalence of autism in the world. Who knows why...I'm serious. The catch to this whole post is I don't know...no one really knows what causes it or I wouldn't even need to write this damn book!.

Insert ten pages of conspiracy theory stating all the studies that have found no correlation between the shots and autism are funded by the people who make the vaccines...plus the fact that if the CDC said there was a correlation no one would get their kids immunized and we would see mass explosions of all these diseases throughout the United States and the rest of the world.

Though there was little evidence at the time my kids were born that supported the belief that autism is caused by the mass amounts of vaccinations young children get, I opted to skip all vaccinations for the first two years of life and then slowly catch up with the vaccines required by the school system. The one study that did provide strong statistical evidence of a link between vaccines and autism was just recently discovered to be a fraud.

So, I waited until Boo was two to begin immunizations. Why wait until the magic age of two? It is widely accepted that a large majority (estimated 80%) of a humans brain is developed by two years of age (no quote here....google it and you'll find it everywhere). Makes sense not to beat the crap out of a little brain until it has some good development under its belt.

I waited to get any immunizations until my kids were two, AND I WAS WRONG! I am very lucky neither of my precious angels died of some preventable disease. What would I have done differently? I think I would have followed the 1980s schedule for the first two years and then catch up one several of the vaccines on the current one.

I have several friends who went with the current CDC recommendations. I commend those who did their research first and still decided to go with the slough of shots. I commend those who did their research and followed a different schedule (a popular one is Dr. Sears alternative schedule). I still commend those who do their research and decide to wait like I did, for they did some research.

My point: Do your research on the subject and make the best decision for your family and child. Don't expect to get all the answers from your pediatrician (many have to follow company policies and state CDC standard schedule). If you don't go with the current recommendations, don't expect a lot of support from the pediatrician. And keep updated on current info!

Too lazy to research for yourself? Well, probably best to go with the current CDC recommendations. This is NOT medical advice, just my thoughts on an issue that is near and dear to my heart. Love you Molly!

Saturday, March 26

Mickey and Minnie Party: Birthday Banners

You know it, I'm cheap. So when I decided I wanted two separate custom birthday banners for the kids Mickey and Minnie birthday party in May I flipped out at the thought of paying somewhere between $15-$50 PER BANNER! Love me some etsy.com, but hell no!

So what would any wannabe Mommy Stewart do? Make them herself!

I bought super cute paper at Michaels. I scouted out what I wanted then waited...no way are you going to catch my cheap ass spending almost a dollar on ONE piece of paper! A few weeks into watching the ads and the paper I wanted went on sale for $0.25 a piece (now that I can do). See ladies, you must plan ahead if you want to save money!

I also bought the letters at Michaels. I was tempted to buy a Cricut 29-0001 Personal Electronic Cutting Machine, but decided I'm not into crafting enough to justify the purchase. I think two packs of letters cost me about $4.00....I found them in by the poster board.

I bought the Mickey Head Punches and Scalloped Circles at Jacquelines Paper since I opted not to buy the Cricut 29-0001 Personal Electronic Cutting Machine and do it myself.

The best item I purchased for this project is my Martha Stewart Crafts™ Large Circle Cutter. Works sooooo well and I have already used it on several other crafts!

Here are the finished products:

I liked round for the girly Minnie look with red and white polka dots....

And I went with the triangular flag look for the boyish Mickey banner with red and white stripes...

I am currently working on another banner for an All Star themed baby shower. I will show a break down of how I made that one for those of you who want to make your own but aren't too crafty!

Diary of neurotic mom: Alcoholism, please

Let me quickly start that I would like to call this section "Diary of a neurotic mommy", but Boo, Mr. J Cool himself, calls me mom more than mommy...so mom it is. Another note, I am neurotic. If you know me well, you will have thought "no shit". Thanks for the love.

Wikipedia defines Neurosis as a class of functional mental disorders involving distress but neither delusions nor hallucinations, whereby behavior is not outside socially acceptable norms. OMG I really am neurotic?!? Hard for me to believe most moms aren't to a certain extent, but that's just my opinion.

Ok, to the post.

Ever since I was pregnant with Bubbi, my second, I often found myself having to consciously choose to not be an alcoholic. Of course it wasn't an option when I was pregnant, but I did think several times a week, "thank god I'm pregnant because this would be the ideal time to become an alcoholic".

Now that my body is mine, the option to become an alcoholic is continually appealing. Especially after last night! Boo, my long-time champion sleeper, has been waking up at night and keeping me up for an hour plus (long story not meant for this post...this one is about the mommies dammit).

Wake up this morning at 8 am after being awake from 2:15 am to about 4:30 am. Grumpy and feel what I can only describe as hungover (no, I took no meds or drank no booze in the last 24 hours). First thought? Oh how wonderful it would be to pop a xanax and chase it down with a fish-bowl sized glass of red wine!

Now there would have been a time when I kept this desire (that's all it is...a desire that will never be acted upon because, well, I enjoy having custody of my kids...usually) to myself. However, a friend posted a jest on Facebook yesterday referring to stay-at-home moms taking valium. The responses were hilarious ranging from calling valium "mother's-little-helper" to stating "I'm on the wine train" and "choo choo"!

My point? If you wake up and find yourself ashamed that you want to start the day with a hardcore sedative and/or a bottle of tequila, don't! Not saying you should act on it...at least not every day.

Friday, March 25

Eating Disorders: My eating disorder and my kids

When I was in 7th grade my parents moved me from San Diego to Sacramento due to a job change. I had never changed schools or moved in my entire life. I had never even been to Sacramento! My plane took off in downtown San Diego and landed in...COW FIELDS!?!? WTF? My life is over!

I had never dieted or even thought about my weight. I dealt with the stress of the move by eating and duh, gained weight. Now plump and depressed without any control over my life, I developed anorexia. At one point I consumed less than 100 calories a day. After reading about bulimia in a health book several months, I switched it up and became bulimic. I would take up to 90 laxatives a day. I lived like this on and off through the later half junior high and most of high school until I got the help I needed.

I see eating disorders as being a life-long battle, like alcoholism...always recovering. I have been "clean" of crazy calorie restriction or purging since high school/over a decade. However, the disease still haunts me and I fear how it may effect my kids.

I truly believe my eating disorder stemmed from a perfect storm of lack of control and social pressures to look premenstrual in a very critical time in my life (right about 13 years old...early teens is critical parents).

So here I am, an adult with two kids who of course, doesn't want her kids to go through what she did. I try to be on my very best behavior with my eating attitudes and vocabulary (saying things are "bad" for you as opposed to "those will make you fat"...I'm not a total idiot so don't worry).

Beyond not imposing my issues on my kids, I plan to try and shelter them from media pressures....though this is only temporary as it is impossible. I only let them watch commercial free television right now (easy with toady's kids networks...I just record the shows and skip the commercials in between programs). Game plan on how to prevent media pressures to be skinny is a work in progress.

My most important thought here is something I believe can truly start the prevention process now if I follow through, and that is providing my children with a sense of control in their lives. I try and give my kids simple choices throughout the day to let them feel in control of their lives...think "do you want to wear this shirt or this shirt"...."do you want to read books first or play with the rocket first". These may seem insignificant, but they give children a sense of power and control over themselves, key to building healthy, confident little people and then adults. I got this trip from Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood: Practical Parenting from Birth to Six Years. They have a whole series for all ages, but honestly I still need to fully read the one I have (I told you, trash tv please!).

I will be posting more on this topic as I research it and learn vital information to protect our children from the emotional and physical turmoil I went through. If you have any great information regarding this, please email it to me. Thank you!

Thursday, March 24

Kids can ruin your marriage: From 2 months to the 2nd pregnancy...

We left off with no sex and no sleep with a tired, abused body for the wife. Husband's day to day is quite similar to before kids with work etc while the wife stays home with a new baby and what's left of her body (I know this sides with the wife, I'm trying husbands...).

Both wife and husband are somewhat over the shock in the abrupt change in their lives. In my house, sleep was returning as by two months, my little Boo was sleeping about 10.5 hours straight (feel free to virtually shoot me, I know...what an awesome baby).

Now the wife, mommy, is finally really adjusting and feeling this whole mommy thing (as well as physically returning to a human as opposed to an abused host to a possessed watermelon). Seeing her husband, daddy, hold the baby warms her heart. Daddy feels the same when he sees his wife in her maternal state...in the back of his mind he sees his new position in life as baby first, husband second. Marital stress!

And now the sex pressure comes back. Right around that time I had finally been cleared for sex, though it was still very painful and low on my to-do list (I am 100% healed now for all you terrified moms to be). We finally did it...once. Poor husband wants to return to more life as usual (aka before kids) in the bedroom, while wife is so not there yet! Marital stress!

Me? Well, I found out I was pregnant a few weeks later...yes, Boo was only 3 months old when we found out we were going to have another baby one night shy of an immaculate conception! AND CRAP! Be pregnant for another lame nine months! MORE MARITAL STRESS!

Wednesday, March 23

Book Review: Skinny Bitch

Let me start by prefacing that I am NOT a reader and I sure as hell am not a dieter! I read a few books a year max as I much prefer the net and trash TV (I'm sure my IQ reflects it so I will not be testing it anytime soon).

So onto the book, Skinny Bitch: A No-Nonsense, Tough-Love Guide for Savvy Girls Who Want to Stop Eating Crap and Start Looking Fabulous! by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin....two totally skinny bitches. Here's a pic.

This book is VERY easy to read and is packed with flipping hilarious snappy comments and ideas throughout. The overall idea is to go natural vegan. It is waaay too extreme of a lifestyle for me, but has some very intriguing ideas that makes sense to me and a few tips and trick I choose to follow.

Here are some of my fave experts...I could seriously quote the whole book!

"Cigarettes are for losers. They are so 1989 and totally uncool. Not only do they screw up your whole body chemistry, they also kill your taste buds. It's no wonder you eat shit and garbage. Smoking's out. Give it up."

"Soda is liquid Satan....high levels of phosphorous can increase calcium loss..., as can its sodium and caffeine...And last time we checked, sugar...does not make you skinny! Now don't go patting yourself on the back if you drink diet soda. That stuff is even worse. Aspartame...has been blamed for a slew of scary maladies, like arthritis, birth defects, fibromyalgia, Alzheimer's, lupus, multiple sclerosis, and diabetes. When methyl alcohol, a component of aspartame, enters your body, it turns into formaldehyde. Formaldehyde is toxic and carcinogenic (cancer-causing). Laboratory scientists use formaldehyde as a disinfectant or preservative. They don't fucking drink it."

"Coffee is for pussies...If you can't wake up without it, it's because you are either addicted to caffeine, sleep deprived, or a generally unhealthy slob...[even decaf] is highly acidic. Acidic foods cause your body to produce fat cells."

“Whenever you see the words ‘fat-free’ or ‘low-fat’, think of the words ‘chemical shit storm’.”

"Sucralose (Spelnda) has been found to cause diarrhea; organ, genetic, immune system and reproductive damage; swelling of the liver and kidneys; and a decrease in fetal body weight."

Pregnancy Complication: Preeclampsia

"If you are pregnant, it is important to watch out for symptoms which might be preeclampsia as it is the leading known cause in the world of maternal and infant death. Preeclampsia is a hypertension disorder that appears only during (usually after the 20th week) and up to several weeks after pregnancy." From http://www.medicalmalpractice.com/.

I didn't get preeclampsia....I was lucky. My friend did.

However, hers went undiagnosed until she was 37 Weeks pregnant. Her doctors didn't listen to her symptoms and belittled her fears. She went to the hospital numerous times during her last trimester because she couldn't feel the baby moving. Her high blood pressure at every visit was dismissed as "white coat syndrome". She clearly had some issues that her doctor dismissed and shouldn't have. She was lucky it didn't kill her or her child, but she delivered a 3 pound baby at 37 weeks gestation. Babycenter.com states most babies weigh 6.3 pounds if delivered at 37 weeks.

For her full story go to her blog, http://avoiceformychildren.blogspot.com/.

Please be an advocate for yourself and your baby. No, you probably aren't a doctor. Sure, you may feel your already being an obsessed and overly worried mother. Who cares? Speak up for yourself and your unborn baby! Demand tests and seek second opinions.

ALSO: My friend in this story will be participating in the March of Dimes to help advocate for healthy, full-term babies. Support or join her by clicking here.

Tuesday, March 22

Kids can ruin your marriage: First few weeks after birth

Where did we leave off? Oh yes, both husband and wife are exhausted and full of emotions.

Hearing the nurse say we were being discharged from the hospital after Boo's birth was one of the most surreal moments of our lives. My husband and I looked at each other like, wow, they are sending us home with a baby? Are they sure we know what we're doing???

So we put Boo in the car seat and go home. We pull the car seat out of the car and set him in the middle of the living room and stare at him. Ok, this is really freaking weird!

Here is how it went for me: Breastfeeding sucked. It hurt and I just couldn't get it down right. I wanted to strangle my husband for every comment he made as supportive as it was....he didn't have to wake up every two hours and try to figure it out! What did he know?

After delivering Edward-Scissor-Head (Boo gave me FOUR nasty tears), I couldn't sit, stand, walk or lay comfortably for six to seven weeks. My body hurt and I stunk (from the hormones...and I sweat like a pig...thank god though because I had a lot of water weight to shed). This doesn't exactly make someone cheery and easy to get along with (poor wife AND poor husband).

My husband? Well, he looked a little tired. He got to go away to work (he went back to work after only a few days as he's self-employed) while I was stuck in the house with baby that only pooped and wanted to torture me via breastfeeding. Resentment officially set in.

Now, the biggest thing that put stress on our marriage for me was waking up, even after we switched to bottles, to a crying baby. Now how the hell could he possibly be sleeping? Nudge nudge...your turn dude. No response. Ok, I'll do it...AGAIN! He did have to work the next day and I "got to stay home with the baby" so I should do it anyways....grrr.

Basically the husbands life still slightly resembles his old one: sleep through the night, go to work... The wife? Every moment of life is different. No work. No sleep. Different body. For me, terrible skin for the first few weeks after Boo was born.

To top it off, ourconversations centered around baby poop and how much he was eating. Both of us were exhausted and grumpy. More marital stress as we try and adjust to our new lives wearing our new hats and mommy and daddy...oh yeah, and no sex for anyone!

To be continued...

Monday, March 21

My miracle for kid's constipation, diarrhea and yeast diaper rash

Somewhere just after 12 months old, Boo got diarrhea. It lasted for TWO WEEKS! No new foods, no teething....just lots and lots of diarrhea. My pediatrician at the time (I switched, we weren't a fab fit) finally suggested I give him Culturelle. Culturelle is an all-natural probiotic supplement with Lactobacillus GG. If you don't know what a probiotic is, google it.

My ped said to open a capsule and mix it in with a small amount of juice or water then tube feed it to him. She also said I could mix it in with yogurt or anything else cold to try and feed it to Boo. Do it once a day and that should help....

So I did. And OMG by the second day no more diarrhea! Miracle pill!

At the same time she mentioned it would also work for constipation....tried it and it did. Wow, this stuff is bangin!

Few months later Bubbi gets a double ear infection and her first dose of antibiotics. Apparently, antibiotics can cause yeast diaper rash and even a standard yeast infection. I was going to post a photo on here from google, but they are all pretty graphic. Feel free to google "yeast diaper rash" and select pictures. The main difference in a yeast diaper rash over a normal one is that you'll usually see raised dots/specks. Supposedly Lactobacillus GG, the active ingredient in Culturelle, helps significantly.

So Bubbi gets Culturelle and her yeast diaper rash clears up almost over night!

Culturelle W/lactobacillus GG, 30-Count Package is now a staple in my household. I keep it in the frigde. I don't give it to my kids everyday as it is expensive, but I do give it to them at the first sign of constipation, diarrhea or a yeast diaper rash. And yes, I know yogurt has the same thing....it just doesn't seem to work nearly as well or quickly.

Note: They didn't sell children's Culturelle (Amerifit Culturelle Kids, 30-Count) at the time Boo's doctor first recommended. From what I can tell, the only difference is that it has 1 billion cells per capsule instead of 10 billion cells like the adult version.Being the cheapy I am, I still buy the adult ones and only use about a third of a capsule per dose. It isn't rocket science to know that paying $18.65 for 300 billion cells is a better deal than paying $19.40 for 30 billion cells.

Be sure and consult your pediatrician before treating your children as I have described above!

Kids can ruin your marriage: Conception to Delivery

Most marriages are in a good place when you decide to try and have kids (if you don't have a woops that is).

An early stress can come from the pressure of "baby making". Sex is no longer for pleasure, it has a purpose...and a time...and as time goes on without conception, a position....a time of day...a diet...hormone shots....testing etc. None of those are "good" for a marriage.

So now your pregnant with or without the stress of trying to conceive. If the wife is anything like me, life changes from the moment you find out your pregnant. The worry officially begins.

I'm going to miscarry. The baby is going to be deformed. The baby is going to be a freak because I didn't take the right vitamins or because I ate soft cheese or because I sat in the jacuzzi before I knew I was pregnant or because I drank...A LOT...before I knew I was pregnant....the insanity is OVERBEARING!

So now said wife is anxious and stressed for her unborn baby's future, not to mention pregnant (insert copious amount of hormones here)...and terrified for the physical changes to come.

Let's go to the husband. Financial stress of supporting a family, college funds and the like overwhelm his mind. The changes to his wife's body and mood are terrifying, but he is supposed to be the perfect, loving husband now more than ever and not show weakness. And sex? Well, that is just scary now...but still a natural male need...that's a problem! And what about his freedom and guys nights out?

Everything is about to change and the impending doom mixed with excitement and hundreds of other emotions can easily beat the crap out of a marriage.

Now we have 40 weeks of emotional roller coasters on both sides. Even assuming everything goes well with the pregnancy and baby, the couple is still under significant pressure of the impending changes about to come.

Wife goes into labor. Husband feels powerless. Wife gives birth. Husband gets a too close view of the process. My husbands response was, "that was THE most national geographic shit I've ever seen". Wife feels like she just gave birth (like crap, ok....you feel like crap right after you deliver your first baby) and both are exhausted and overwhelmed with emotions.

Now go home and play house with your new role as parents....to be continued.

Sunday, March 20

Starving kids in China are making my ass fat, but not my kids!

So I am officially gaining weight like a fat cow...and who's to blame? The starving kids in China!

My kids don't eat all their food. No matter how I try there are always some leftovers between the two of them. So I feed them to the garbage disposal or trash them, right? NO! I eat them!!! Because there are starving kids in China and somehow me not throwing away leftovers makes them less starving...and me fat!

Bad attitude...so now the kids in China, Africa and everywhere else are STILL starving and my cholesterol is getting higher. Lose-lose situation. Time to lose that attitude...or the scale and all my favorite jeans!

AND please please PLEASE don't make your kids eat all the food on their plate to save "the starving kids in China"....puh-lease! We don't need our kids to be obese for a lame reason (other than the current issues of too much tv and too little physical activity). Make them take smaller portions and teach them healthy vs not healthy. My kids already know treats (in my house, things like cookies, ice cream, french fries, chips etc) are not good for your body if you eat too much.

So be sure and teach your kids moderation...and screw the starving kids in China tactic!

Saturday, March 19

Don't burn the baby!

So if you're nearly as anxious and worried about everything as I am, you will totally love this Black & Decker SDC850 SpaceMaker 8-Cup Coffeemaker with Thermal Carafe.

When Boo was just starting to crawl I watched an episode of America's Next Top Model where one of the models, Thalia, was terribly disfigured from burns all over her face and body. The culprit? A COFFEEMAKER!!!

Before she was a year old, she pull a fresh pot of coffee/the coffeemaker off the counter and all over her precious face and body. She was very lucky to survive.

I was already terrified of this happening! I didn't drink coffee at the time because I was pregnant with Bubbi, but the husband did...and he was the one who couldn't remember for the life of him to push the darn thing back or make sure the cord wasn't hanging over the edge. More than that, Boo was capable of moving things to climb up but not cognisant enough to understand danger of items he could then access.

Then relief! We bought the Black & Decker SDC850 SpaceMaker 8-Cup Coffeemaker with Thermal Carafe. It has been a fabulous, reliable coffeemaker that we've used everyday since we bought it over two years ago....and one less HUGE thing to worry about! Plus we now have some extra counter space.

Boo-isms: Kids say the darndest things

I know kids say funny things, but it is so flipping funny when your own do! And it starts early. Boo could only saw a few words. I dropped something in the sink when he was 16 mos old and said, "Shit!" Boo's response was "owie". Shit was my go to word when I stubbed my toe etc until that first day Boo threw me under the bus.

~ After telling Boo that my computer was broken so we couldn't watch a cow get milked on you tube, he said, "Me a man me can fix it...me a man, mom"...DUH!

~ When Boo mentioned the wooden statue in the corner of a man crouching, I told him it was fake. His response, "No mom, dead...he dead"...yes, we keep dead people in our house.

~ I was in the shower and Boo ran up to the glass door shouting, "Daddy said Fu**, Daddy said Fu**, Daddy said Fu**...." clear as day, over and over. I tried to ignore him as parenting books suggest, but he just got louder. I finally told him to go tell daddy...great mommy fix-all response.

~ As I was putting on my bra, Boo asked, "Where you put that mommy?" I thought to make sure I understood his questions and then replied, "on my boobs". He responds, "No!!! On your nipples!"...well he wasn't wrong.

~ Boo wanted to show the sitter how he could go potty standing up...just like daddy. He gave a play-by-play of every little detail of how daddy pees....down to the last wiggle and pull. I don't know who was more embarrassed, me or her...or daddy!

~ This one again throws me under the bus. Bubbi kept going up to Boo and hitting him. He came to me and said, "Bubbi pissing me off". Ugg. Ok, I get it...I need to clean up the language!

~ Last but not least, Boo spewed this one out yesterday. Boo was looking for his tool and asked me, "Where's my f**ing banger?" I didn't really believe it until he said it five more times. Daddy dropped the F-bomb that morning, so it was all on him. And yes, we had a talk (both the boys and myself).

Not sure why I tried to hard to get him into my preschool of choice...my hell raiser is going to get kicked out the first week anyways.

Friday, March 18

Bubbi's nose fetish

Bubbi has a track record of shoving things in her nose.

Several months ago I was changing her Huggies Overnites Diapers, Size 5, Big Pack, 56-Count and I thought I saw something in her nose. I grabbed the tweezers and carefully dug in. I pulled out what was once a grape, then a raisin and now almost a grape again! Again, this was first thing in the morning! How long was that replumped raisin flipping in there? Yuck!

That was my first ever nose experience as Boo isn't a nose shover, or whatever the hell it should be called. Insert several months since then of telling Bubbi "NO" as she shoves pretzels, toys, her fingers and whatever else appeals to her nose cavity in there....

Today I'm driving merrily from the gym to the drive-thru Starbucks to reward the kids with food (bad mommy!). I look back at Bubbi and she has her snack, Gerber Graduates Sweet Potato Puffs, 1.48-Ounce Canisters (Pack of 6), shoved in both nostrils. I see that one side is bleeding!!!

What do I do? Take a quick photo at the next red light of course!

Quick note: she wasn't crying until I told her it was bleeding (a scare tactic to try and prevent this from happening all the flipping time).

Back to the story....light turns green and we zoom into the Starbucks drive-thru line. I tell her to blow and now the blood is really going. Lovely. I get her to blow again and bloody food is all over her mouth and chin...and yes, she licks it off and eats it before I can fly back there and wipe it off. 

Moral of the story? Well, all kids are different...Boo never did this kind of crap! And, as always, KIDS ARE NASTY!

Great Tips and Tricks: What baby book?

If you're anything like me, your kid's baby book isn't much more than a messy stack of doctor reports and a baby shower invitation. Or maybe your second child (or third...) is the one with the POS for a remembrance (poor Bubbi).

Think those special dates and memories are lost forever in a mind that fails you in remembering to pack a a few extra diapers? Well, they are in your poor excuse for a brain, but they aren't in cyber space! Go back over your emails and Facebook posts and you will find TONS of fabulous info regarding lots of milestones and funnies your precious little one/s made over the years! An added bonus will be some cute candids you uploaded as well...

Here are a few memories from my personal Facebook history:

 "always know I'm driving a little too wild when bubbi throws her hands up and shouts weeeeeeeee"

"omg sooo sweet! mason is singing "hello to mommy...I love u" over and over again to the tune of the music together opening song! too bad he's supposed to be napping"

Poor Boo!

Where's Bubbi?

Play Lipstick!

Two Peas in a Pod

Lolipop Monster

Thursday, March 17

Must Have! FABULOUS Tooth Fairy Pillows and DISCOUNT!

The whole idea of teeth falling out icks me out to no end. I'm getting light headed as I sit here and type. NASTY!

That's not the point.

The point is that I found these fabulous Tooth Fairy Pillows!!! When I was oogling over them online Boo ran over (I get mommy online time when kids first wake up and get their timered one hour of TV a day) and told me which one he wanted.

He then proceeded to tell me which one we are getting Bubbi. She doesn't get an opinion yet. I know once she has one it will rule the roost, so I go with it. Plus he picked out the one I was going to get her anyways...hehe.

Here are the two we ordered from purchasing from Little Birdie's Boutique, http://www.etsy.com/shop/LittleBirdiesB.

And here are a few more!

AND if you email her by Friday the 18th, you will get 20% off AND free shipping!

You're wasting your money

We all do it...we waste our money even when we think we're being shopper savvy overall. Here are some of the top ways mommies burn the bank!

~ You buy name brand baby meds. We have always bought the Target brand (up and up) of infant ibprofen (think infant advil), infant tylenol and infant gas drops (think mylicon). Not only are they usually more than 50% cheaper, they don't seem to be recalled nearly as often! Since Boo was born in 2008, Mylicon has been recalled once and Infant's Tylenol twice...and you guessed it, Target's brand has not been even once!

~ You buy the larger size always assuming you're saving by buying in bulk. This is not always the case! I have found several times that the smaller size (especially if the smaller size is on sale and the larger size isn't) can be almost half the price! Most grocery stores state how much you are paying per piece or ounce right on the shelf price tag. Take a minute to read the fine print!

~ Buying in bulk and stocking up when the price is right. Check the expiration dates! I recently threw away two bottles of ketchup I had bought in a three pack because the price was great...ketchup doesn't last nearly as long as I thought and I actually lit a few bucks on fire and crowed my pantry with that "deal". If there is a to-die-for-deal, go in with a friend or family member if you don't have a chance of using the goods before they rot.

~ Think you're being savvy by consigning, garage selling or even handing down those clothes your kids don't fit anymore? Well wait just a minute!!! I made two stupid, jumping the gun mistakes on this topic. Boo was a chub of a baby and since I knew I was having a girl next well before most even think about baby number two, I was eager to clear the clutter and get rid of clothes he outgrew. Well, like any child he started walking...and when he started walking he thinned out and went down a size! Wouldn't have been such a big deal except for those smaller waisted clothes were long gone. Soooo back to the store to replace what I had and waste some hard earned cash. Same concept with potty training. Underwear are a lot smaller than diapers and Boo lost a full pant size when we made the switch...you guessed it, back to the store to burn some money on new pants we just got rid of!

~ Buying full sized sheet paper towels. Sure, select-a-size rolls may cost more per roll or square foot or whatever, but they last almost twice as long in my house than a regular large sheet roll. Try it...I swear it is a universal fact!

~ Paying full price plus shipping online. There is always a coupon code online for free shipping or a hefty percent off somewhere out there on the web. I LOVE retailmenot.com...or just google  "<store name> coupon code". There isn't? Wait a week and it will magically show up in your email. True story...wanted a $5 thing from disneystore.com, but I couldn't find a way to save on the price or get free shipping anywhere. Less than a week later I got an email from them with a code for free shipping! The trick? Sign in to the online store and put some items in your online cart, but don't buy them. Quite often you'll get an offer in your email (thus why you must sign in) to lure you back and finish your purchase!

~ Buying name brand vegetable/corn oil and cooking spray...instead of Mazola and Pam, but the Walmart brand! Again, you'll save nearly 50% on virtually the same product.

~ Don't buy new toys. Have toy swaps with friends or hit up garage sales, consignment stores and/or your local Goodwill. Ebay and craislist.org are great options as well. Not only are new toys a waste of money, they usually require a skilled professional to remove it from the packaging and an hour or more of skilled labor to assemble...or just figure out where the batteries go!

~ Buying children's vitamins isn't always neccessary. I buy the adult calcium chewable and cut them in half (the ones I buy are two in a serving). If you do the math (so for mine I divided the nutrition facts by four), it is almost exactly the same as one kids vitamin...and WAY cheaper.

~ Last but not least....don't buy a dishwasher safe cutting board that is too big for your dishwasher!!!

The plunger is not a toy...

Cholera is supposedly an illness mainly related to third world countries and areas of devastation...so why is it that I'm so worried my kids with get it?


Ok, all kids are nasty and don't understand "common sense" things right off the bat (though that totally changes the basis of the phrase "common sense" to "learned sense"). We are all born idiots and only gain common sense through life experiences like eating sand, falling off chairs and everything else stupid.

Back to the story.

I am so suprised neither of my kids have gotten Cholera or any other disease that comes from uncleanliness. Don't get my wrong, I clean....I scrub....I sterilize.

Here are some of the issues that come along with close birth spacing. When Boo was potty training Bubbi wanted to see, taste and be a part of all of it! When I was trying to wipe Boo's butt, Bubbi was playing in the little potty of poop. If I dumped the poop first, she was all up in his butt with him screaming. I eventually got a system down that limited her exposure to his poop, but no system is perfect (especially if Bubbi is involved).

Then there's the plunger and the toilet scrubber. Why oh why are they so exciting? Just the other day while I was trying to carry on adult conversation with a friend while Boo did his business, Bubbi found the plunger and was swinging it over her head hitting Boo with it.


Wipe the kids down and wait for the early symptoms of CHOLERA, "profuse painless diarrhea and vomiting clear fluid" per Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cholera.

Oh the joys of parenting....

Last minute St. Patrick's Day fun

If you're like me, some of the smaller holidays (aka not Christmas or Halloween) get skipped depending on my mommy mojo. This year St. Patrick's Day was one of the skipped ones.

In an attempt to find something fun and last minute to do with my kids, I search the net and found this!

Catching Leprechauns

All you need is some sidewalk chalk and cement!

Wednesday, March 16

Random facts you may or may not want to know

10 ~ I always say hate is not the opposite of love, indifference is. My supporting fact? Pupils dilate when you look at someone you love...they also dilate when you look at someone you hate!

9 ~ Pregnant women's brains shrink and it takes roughly six months after delivering for them to regain their normal size. "Mom Brain" is a flipping fact husbands!

8 ~ Blood-injection phobia is the only phobia in which your blood pressure drops instead of rises...insert fainting instead of panic attacks here. I have this...bad.

7 ~ The multi-generational household (think grandma moving in) has increased 33% from 1980 to 2008...this has taken place over all major demographic groups.

6 ~ When someone farts fecal particles are expelled into the air...and depending on the filtration of that person (think pants and underwear) and the size of the particles YOU MIGHT BREATHE OR SWALLOW SOME! I always flip out in public restrooms when I smell poop...no filters! I should...and so should you!

5 ~ Peanut butter has about 30 insect fragments and one rodent hair per cup. Eew.

4 ~ "Skinny Bitch" (great read by Freedman and Barnouin) theory: Milk makes us fat. We are the only species that drink milk as adults...by nature milk/dairy is for infants looking to double or triple their weight in a short amount of time. I'm hoping to write a book review on this fab read soon...if I can find that damn thing.

3 ~ Starbucks is making you broke AND fat! I did the math and if I bought my $2.20 drink every day for a year I would spend nearly $1000 and consume 69,350 extra calories...that's almost a 20lb gain! Do the math for yourself. I still go, just not when my jeans are getting snug or right after the credit card bill comes in...

2 ~  You'd be better off eating from a public restroom toilet seat than a mall food tray (http://www.cbc.ca/news/health/story/2011/02/14/bc-food-trays-bacteria.html?ref=rss).

1 ~ Shopping is GOOD for you! It releases the same endorphins as sex, mainly dopamine.

The Concept of Free-Range Kids

I've always had a strong attitude towards raising self-reliant kids. Both kids clean up after themselves if they spill something and have since they could walk. No, I'm not exaggerating. The eager toddler spills and you had them a paper towel. They've seen you do it a million times and copy you just like they are programmed to do. The catch is to make sure you always expect this of them, even when it is much easier to do it yourself. If its a huge mess help them...do not do it for them!

They also both use "big kid" cups (think a plastic open cup, just small) for dinner every night...and they get them and fill them themselves. Yes they spill, but like I already said, they clean it up. They use "real" silverware, not the plastic baby crap. I don't hover over them at the park so long as I can see them. Boo goes to the bathroom by himself from start to finish (except poop...I'm not ready for my 2.5 year old to try and wipe his own butt yet because last time we tried that a poo murder scene went down in my bathroom...we're talking toilet seat, walls, pants, underwear and even my scale).

You get the idea. I am their mom, not their bitch slave. They are capable, little human beings and treating them like so raises their confidence. It also makes life much easier for mom with only a little extra front loaded work for a lifetime of payoffs for both mom and kids.

So here's the final point, I found this amazing book on this concept of free-ranging your kids. You should really check it out!!  Free-Range Kids, How to Raise Safe, Self-Reliant Children (Without Going Nuts with Worry)

Tuesday, March 15

Ring Pops for Adults!

love love LOVE this candy jewelry! no clue how much it is, but wouldn't it be fabulous for a bridal shower or something??? or just because!!! need me some edible bling ASAP!

Just Call CPS: Bubbi in the airport

I forget who I am sometimes and like to play supermom. So, being supemom and all, I flew alone with both kids to Arizona to visit with my parents and grandma last November.

No, you read that correctly, I FLEW ALONE WITH AN 18 MONTH OLD AND A 2.5 YEAR OLD. I'm stupid, you can say it because it is so true.

Going there was tough, but we made it ok. I got lots of laughs as I trolleyed the kids through the airports on their ride-on suitcases attached to each other like a train. Boo has Trunki - Terrance Blue and Bubbi has Trunki - Trixie Pink.

Yes, they both fell off several times. The best fall was when we were getting off the moving sidewalk at the Skyharbor airport. Bubbi, being closest to me, made it off fine. Kinda just kept going on my way instead of waiting to be sure Boo made it off well...oops. Mom brain. Well, he somersaulted head first off the end of the dam thing. I died laughing of course. He cried for a second and laughed too.
That was that as far as drama on the trip there.
We get there basically no problem.

Ok, so now time to go home. Because I had my supermom hat on (don't worry, I don't really have one let alone wear one...if you do, well, I won't judge...publicly) of course I booked the flight for the perfect am return between breakfast and nap.
Getting through the airport to the terminal was a bit rough. They fell off a few times and everyone was tired from 5 days away from their own bed. We paid three times more than we should have for some pizza and sat ourselves and the Trunki's down at a kiddy table. Bubbi booted to a boarding flight so I quickly weighed my odds and ditched the crap to go grab her. Boo followed because he's like that (oh hell no you aren't leaving me here alone...I know this could take awhile).

I start walking back to said kiddy table with one kid's hand in each of mine. Bubbi decided it would be comedic to drop her feet out and slow our short journey back to our stuff. As a reflex, I squeeze her hand and pull upward to try and prevent her from dropping to the floor.

A pop. A scream....more screams and cries from Bubbi. Ugg. That must have not felt very well and/or she's being her snooty self and mad she can't drop to the floor and crawl away back to the boarding area. 

A minute passes and she's still crying. My kids are rockstars and get over even the worst owie in a few seconds. Something isn't right. OMG didn't something make a pop sound when she dropped to her feet? OMG I BROKER HER ARM! OR HER HAND! She isn't moving her entire left arm, fingers etc at all and she's still screaming.

Ok, gather our crap and waddle over to the nearest person who is working here. They walk me over to the customer service counter. They call 911. The paramedics show up and can't do much but suggest we go to the nearest hospital in an ambulance. But my flight leaves in 5 minutes! CAN'T YOU JUST FIX HER! And yes, we were almost going to board when the poop hit the fan...

I try to call my husband, but he can't hear anything over Bubbi's screams. They put me on the stretcher holding hysterical Bubbi and plant my superhero Boo, who is just being amazing well behaved, between my legs. Then they wheel me through a small portition of the airport and right down the TARMAC (yes, the "road" the airplains cruise on)! Mortified, but Boo was loving his upclose and personal airport tour.

We get to the closest emergency room that happens to be a children's hospital. The doctor touched her arm to examine it, she screamed, he said, "there". Her elbow had been dislocated. Thank god no brakes. 

OMG I dislocated her elbow?! 

Turns out the common name is nursemaid's elbow or arm. Its fairly common until children reach about age 5 when their bones are fully developed.

Even though it was a totall accident (I wasn't even mad or being rough when it happened), I swore CPS (Child Protective Services) was going to come question me. When I spoke to our pediatrician, he just laughed at me and reassured me its common. I'm still waiting.

The aftermath:

My mom picked us up from the hospital and we spent a few extra hours with her and my dad. She brought us back to the airport and recieved a special pass to actually walk the kids and I to the plane gate until we boarded (think standard process pre 9-11).

The flight had a stop so it was twice as long as our other flight. The kids didn't nap. It was hell. They were devils. They rubbed lolipops on the man next to us while I cried. The man was in a suit. We lived.

In hindsight, this was a blessing in disguise. My daddy died two weeks later. I cherish the extra time we spent with him while we waited for our later flight.

Plus I was kindly reminded I'm not supermom.

Monday, March 14

Mickey and Minnie Party: Pinata

Call me cheap, but it makes me cringe paying $20 for something a bunch of kids are literally just going to beat the crap out of. Then you pay close to another $20 for candy to put in it. Forty dollars for a pinata? Now that just doesn't fit well in my newly instated birthday budget (hubby finally found out how much I spent on the kids last party and that was the end of that).

Having a pinata is almost as important as having a cake for me. No, I'm not Hispanic. BUT I grew up in San Diego, just a few minutes from Tijuana...so let's just say I may be in many aspects.

Ok, so I'm not going to break the budget on buying a pinata, but I'm going to have one. Not really something you find at Goodwill...kinda like a tampon, once its used its used!

Insert hours of online obsessing over the kids upcoming Mickey and Minne party and HOLY QUAC look what I found! No, I'm not smart enough to just google "how to make a pinata". I just stumbled on it.

Her blog has an amazing step-by-step breakdown of how to make a Minnie pinata from a diaper box and crate paper....all stuff I had at home!

First thought: It is probably hard to make a pinata? Wait, I'm a college graduate and I'm going to go ahead and assume the standard pinata maker is a child laborer in Mexico. Let's give it a whirl. 

I didn't take pictures of my every step, but here are a few:

And here is the finished product:

The only part that took a while was scrunching the crate paper. The cutting was super easy thanks to a Goodwill find, Black & Decker SZ360 3.6-Volt Ni-Cad Cordless Power Scissors. I used a wire dry cleaning hanger to hang it instead of craft wire or whatever you are supposed to (think cheap)

I know, my guest bedroom is trashed. We plan on taking that panel down...I think. Judge away.

So one side has a bow, Minnie Mouse, and the other side doesn't (use your imagination), Mickey Mouse. Free-fifty!

The incident with Cinderlla and the Door....

Boo likes to go potty without assistance. His main goal is to go potty without Bubbi flushing the toilet constantly and trying to pry his legs open to see the exciting act of peeing or pooping...if he's standing she loves to get her face as close to the arching stream as possible before Boo swats at her. Basically, he likes to go potty without her and I cannot blame him.

Bubbi doesn't like being left out, especially when it comes to Boo using the facilities. So she usually bangs on the door or sticks her little fingers under. Last night she shoved her Oral-B Kids Stages Cinderella Battery Toothbrush under the door instead. I tried to get it out, but as I opened the door it got stuck...very f-ing stuck.


Knowing the hubby wouldn't be home to help before bedtime (door is from Boo's room to his bathroom and I didn't feel safe leaving bathroom door open all night when it is usually latched at the top), I decided to try and get it out myself.

First I used a train track for leverage while I tried to kick, pull and beat it out with Boo's Spinbrush Kids - Thomas and Friends Electric Toothbrush. It just got more stuck!

Ok, time to get this POS out. Got the hammer and went to town. Tore up the door and possibly ruined my tile, but the damn toothbrush was fine aside from a few nicks and scratches. I had planned on beating it too a million pieces, but that wasn't going to work. Are you f-ing kidding me...isn't this thing platic??!?!?

And then the hammer got stuck...

Got the hammer out after a few minutes and went ape poop on the thing until it came out. This whole thing was a 30 plus minute experience.

Rest in peace....bitch.