About this blog

If you're looking for me to brag about how cute my kids are (which they are) or talk about how much weight I did or didn't lose this week, you are in the wrong place! I have a Facebook account for that. This blog is about the blunt truths of parenting, tips and tricks of the trade, some addicting mommy junk and all the other disgusting hilarity that ensues when you have kids...especially two kids only 12 months apart like myself.

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Tuesday, May 31

The death of my father

So cheesey, but my daddy really was one of my best friends. We spoke several times a week and emailed daily. I was a daddy's girl to the highest degree.

On the morning before 2010 Thanksgiving my cell phone rang at just after 5 am. I saw it was an Arizona number not programmed into my address book. My heart sank. My intution had been to leave my cell on for this reason exactly over the past few months.

I answer the ominous call and all my mother said was, "He's gone".

My world stopped. She explained a few details stating it was sudden and painless, most likely a heart attack, and we hung up. I dropped to the floor and wailed a scene that would put La Bamba's "RITCHIEEEEEEEEEEE" scene to shame. I will never laugh at that scene again.

My husband booked me a flight and I was on my way there before I knew what was happening. As I sobbed a terrible scene in the airport alone, an onlooker felt the need to come pray for me. I told her why I was crying and this is what she prayed:

"Dear Lord, please grant us a miracle here today and raise this woman's father from the dead like you did in my church last month. We know you have the power, almighty one, please grant us this miracle today."

REALLY BITCH!? I have no problem with people praying for me or blessing me with voodoo even, but praying my JUST deceased father raise from the dead? WTF?

I sobbed harder and escaped her insanity. It wasn't worth telling her off and I knew she meant well, even though she just salted my wounds.

I landed in the airport and found my mom and grandma. We all embraced and cried. It was surreal to not see my daddy sitting on the bench by bagage claim where he always did. He came every single time I flew out there and waited for me on the same bench.

My mom and I survived the next few days in our own ways. I made all the arrangements for having my dad flown to California for the services while my mom dazed out. I slept only by heavy medication. Thanksgiving dinner was at Denny's after going through my dad's clothes but before donating thousands of hypodermic needles (my dad was a diabetic) to a dude who took care of small animals and some unemployed lady with a brain tumor (supposedly...even if she was a heroine addict she wasn't going to share any needles any time soon so that was a good thing).

I flew home a few days later, broken and carrying my daddy's camera and watch as my carry-on luggage. I had a huge journey left in front of me then, and I still do today.

Friday, May 27

Sorry for my absence!

Sorry for my absence! I am hosting TWO amazing parties this weekend plus have several super lame things going on (why does everything happen at once). Cannot wait to share pictures next week!

Look out for a Beatles themed first birthday and a Mickey & Minnie themed combo second and third birthday for my Bubbi and Boo!

Thursday, May 26

Bubbi and bugs

Bubbi has always been my nastier child. She eats things like sand and shoved things in her nose.

A few days ago, Bubbi ran up to me shouting, "SEE!! SEE!! SEE!!" and very proudly showed me a live freaking bumble bee! Thank god my mommy's helper was right next to me and calmly saved the day. She just took it from Bubbi and disposed of it humanely or something.

Yesterday, Bubbi again ran up to hand me something. This time she said "yucky mom." I began to reach my hand out then saw that it was a "dead" spider! Being the awesome mom that I am, I quickly smacked it out of her hand. Then the "dead" spider started to scury away!!!

OMGGGGGGG! No freaking way? WTF is wrong with her?

I quickly smashed it with my flip flop then ran for a paper towel to pick it up while both kids laid down on their tummies to get a closer look at the villain.
Really? My girl is the bug catching creeper? I was opening to have bypassed that kid since Boo hasn't shown much interest. Guess I'll be checking Bubbi's pockets for frogs.

Tuesday, May 24

Review: Macaroni Kid (Folsom - El Dorado Hills)

THE best site EVER found me, Folsom-El Dorado Hills: Macaroni Kid!

How many times have you missed an awesome community event because you had no freaking clue it even existed? Instead you and your kids were locked in the house with a bucket of ice cream and finger paint...lots of flipping messy finger paint.

Now you can save the calories and the mess!!! Macorni Kid is an free, weekly email newsletter and website with all the local happenings for kids including an easy guide to free library story times, when and where kids eat free, open play and various special events your local community is having any given week.

I feaking LOVE it! Just found out my local shopping area has "Town Center Tuesdays" where the theater only charges $5 to get in and $2 for popcorn. Several other little stores and resturants have special deal on these "Town Center Tuesdays" as well. WTF? Why didn't I know this?

I also found out a local sports club (fancy name for gym) is having a "Splash Into Summer" event open to the public with swimming, inflatables, games and food. AND...admission is free!! Just pay for games and food etc. Hello! I have nothing better to do on a Friday with my kids (go back to eating a bucket of ice cream and finger paint), do you?

So be sure and find your local Macaroni Kid at http://national.macaronikid.com/ and sign up (to keep your ass from getting fat and your house from getting trashed)!

Monday, May 23

My kids see dead people

My family has experienced a lot of death this past year. My husband lost a friend and two grandma's and I lost my father. The kids knew the two grandma's and my father well.

In many cultures, children are completely involved in the grieving and funeral process. There are also many cultures in which children are excluded. It is somewhat standard in our culture to lean away from involving young children.

That being said, I strongly believe in involving children in the funeral process, viewing and all. My children attended the viewings and funerals for the three people that died this year that were close to them. They were roughly one and two years old for these events.

That's right, I held my kids up to see inside the coffin of their deceased and beloved Papa (my father) and GG's (great grandmas). I know some of you think I should be locked up or psychoanalyzed now. Everyone is allowed to have their own opinions!

They did NOT attend the funeral of my husband's friend whom they did not know or love. That would have been unnecessary and inappropriate.

Children learn a very important and valuable lesson when they witness death and the grieving process. Young children are mostly impacted by other people's behavior and feelings surrounding the death. "It is from these responses that children come to understand that death is very important, sad and significantly different from most other events in life.  Knowing that children are learning from us during the process can be a motivating force for us to get the support necessary to go through the grieving process in healthy ways." quoted here.

I was a complete mess after the death of my father. Emotional wreck in charge of two small kids. I cried out of no where and was easily agitated. My kids went to the funeral. They saw Papa, mommy's daddy, was dead and that everyone there was weeping and sad for his death. When I was crying my kids gave me a hug and said "mommy sad because papa's dead". When I flipped out about a small mess, I quickly apologized and explained mommy is sad because of Papa's death, but that it was not ok for mommy to yell and I was sorry. They were completely included in the process from start to finish (wherever the finish line is...haven't reached that yet).

I did not say Papa was sleeping. I did not want my kids afraid that I or they would never wake up.

They have not shown any increased fear of death now that they understand it so well.

They have not shown any psycho or morbid tendencies like playing dead or killing animals or anything.

For my family, involving our children in the death process of loved ones was a well thought and good choice. My precious children understand death is sad part of life and how we move on as a family.

I invite you to consider involving your children in the grieving process when a loved one close to them dies. I also respect if you feel it is not something you agree with. Just remember, children will one day be adults and need you to show them how to handle the more difficult times in life before they are completely matured and shocked by life's harsh realities.

Friday, May 20

Bubbi's Closet: Frankie & Daisy Swimsuit

I bought this ADORABLE swimsuit by Frankie & Daisy when I was pregnant with Bubbi at a local botique, Starlight Starbright. You cannot find this exact suit, but all of their stuff is sooo freaking cute! Plus, most of the smaller sizes have the built in swim diapers so you don't have to ruin the look of the suit with a tacky disposable swim diaper.

I know, terrible picture. The girl decided to not be a model and be poo head instead the day I tried to snap some pics. Either way, we get at least ten compliments every time she wears it!

Thursday, May 19

My morning: The gym

My ass is expanding so, like any woman who doesn't want her ass to expand, I went to the gym.

No, Tuesday is wasn't that easy. It was one of those days where the world was out to get me. No way around it. The weather sucked and the kids were rowdy.

I packed up the kids and got them into the car...a little later than usual, but we were on our way. My mom called and I answered the phone (yes, hands free). I missed my usual turn...no biggie. Take the next one.

Then I saw cops blocking off the street. BOOOOO! Ok, turn around and go back the way I usually go. More cops! WTF? Someone better be dead for all this commotion (I know, straight to hell for me).

One more u-turn and down another block. More cops! Ok, not an accident. What the hell is going on Tuesday morning that requires so much police activity???

FORTH attempt and I see a carnival being set up. Really?! All this for a carnival...in the flipping rain?? No way.

About to turn one more time when I finally catch you can't go through that way either! WTF? Quick post on mobile facebook and I find out there is some stupid bike race. Ugg!!!! My fat ass needs to work out!

But I am hungry and now it is almost the kids lunchtime....

I tell the kids we're going to skip the gym and go out to eat. Boo flips out because he loves the gym child care. FINE!! I'll try and get us there. However, the kids need to eat soon so they don't flip out (got out late and already burned about 30 extra minutes in traffic and u-turns).

Drove through McDonald's. I ate a deep fried nugget...on my way to the freaking gym!

Took the freeway all the way to the other side of town. Go up the back way...that should work. WRONG! BLOCKED!

Take the next road...dumb ass! That street goes back to the one you were just on! How long have you lived here?

Last try. Go all the way to to river and go up that street. If this one doesn't work, we're going home to cry and hide for a week.

It works!!! I get the kids out and drop my cell phone in the rain and it shatters into three pieces. Awesome!

I make the kids walk because I can't emotionally handle carrying either of them at this point. We're about to step up onto the sidewalk when Bubbi squeals with despair as she steps into a huge puddle of water - soaking both feet...socks, shoes and all. SWEET! I took of her shoes and socks. She hates no shoes and socks. Whatever. Scream away, honey.

We get into the child care long ass line and oops - no ID! Can't drop the kids off without your driver's license. Usually you have to take the kids with you to return to your car to go get it. I think the lady sensed I'd probably kill her or cry, so she let me leave the kids there so I could go back out in the pouring rain alone to get it.

FINALLY busting my butt on the stepmill. It took an hour and a half to make a usually twenty minute trip! Thirty seven minutes in and feeling good - going to do a solid hour with some sprints in the next few minutes....

"Excuse me...we've got a poopy," says the child care dude to my sweaty, panting face. SERIOUSLY?!?!? NOW!??!

"Ok, just give me a minute to cool down because I pass out if I don't cool down on this machine." I'm pissed because I know Bubbi will freak if I leave her after changing her, plus I know I won't be able to get back into it. PLUS it's almost naptime because it took me so long to get to the gym!

Change her nasty poop and leave to shower (yes, she flipped out, but at this point I could really care less).

I shower, grab the kids and get them all bundled up to go out in the rain (but no shoes or socks for Bubbi because they're all wet). Boo decides he has to pee. Takes off his jacket and demands to use the adult locker room. Fine!

So now we are finally heading out the door and they both breakdown. NAP TIME! Boo refuses to put his jacket on and barefooted Bubbi wants to play with the food they sell (like protien drinks etc).

I wrangle up Bubbi and tell Boo, "Fine! No jacket! We're leaving!" He comes holding my hand...until we're in the middle of the street. Then he drops to his knees to have a tantrum because he want's his jacket on in the rain. Yes, he stops to tantrum on the wet floor because he doesn't want to get wet from the rain. IN THE FLIPPING STREET! I am mother-of-the-year at this point as cars stop to watch me wrangle an angry barefooted Bubbi and a jacketless tantruming Boo in the rain in the middle of the street.

"TOO BAD!!" I'm so not stopping to put his jacket on 20 feet from the car with my barefoot pissed off Bubbi and gym bag in one hand.

I am pulling him to the car as best I can without ripping his arm out or dropping Bubbi. In. The. Pouring. Rain.

I get their naughty butts in the car and rush home for nap time!

WHAT THE HELL DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS!?!?!? Oh yeah, I thought I might deserve a trip to the gym. Silly me.

After nap that day I snapped this picture. Ahhh, how cute! They're holding hands! See Boo's face? It says, "Team Bubbi and Boo had another victory over mommy this morning...hahahaha!"

Wednesday, May 18

Wordless Wednesday: Weather extremes

The weather here SUCKS lately.

Here is a picture of my kids enjoying the heat about two weeks ago...

And here's the freaking SNOW from two days ago (yes, in May)...

Monday, May 16

I see your vagina

I have to get on my hands and knees to clean up after the kids. True story. If you have kids you know this. If you don't, you could easily assume.

So I'm on my hands and knees cleaning up half the meal I made for the kids off the floor when Boo casually tells me, "Mom. I see your vagina".


Then he points to my plumber (butt) crack that is apparently hanging out.

No sweetie, that's mommy's butt. You see my butt. Either way, mommy's butt shouldn't be hanging out so thanks for the FYI. I guess.

Sunday, May 15

Football Baby Shower

My first styled party (on record at least)! Party planned and styled by Ramona McGee, Danielle Russi and Connie Maas.

A four layered fondant cake made by me! Not perfect, but not too shabby.
Third attempt at cake pops and they are finally worth photographing! Lots of help from Natasha Wilson.

Cracker Jack favors, a football to sign and a pom pom made by me!

Two banners I made and a beautiful flower arrangement by Connie Maas.

Terrible photography by Ramona McGee!
Youth Football and Grass Bottle Drying Rack from Target.

Thursday, May 12

Lifestyle downgrade

My life before kids was somewhat lavish....

Pedicures and eye brow waxing every two weeks, eating out and movies in the theater as much as I wanted, clubs and drinking as much as I could handle (without getting arrested....again), Prada bags (ok, just one) and designer jeans, facials and massages at least monthly...


I think I can count on one hand the number of pedicures I've had in the last three years. And waxing? Three times maybe?

Eating out with TWO KIDS and a husband? No thank you! Not only does it break the bank, it is far from a fun time. Take out for eating at home or the park is our favorite splurge now.

Clubbing and drinking? Too expensive AND kids don't give a crap if you're hungover at seven in the morning.

Designer brands? HA! I'm super excited to get a new shirt off the clearance rack at Target.

A facial and massage? I'm lucky to wash my hair AND shave my legs in the same shower.

Life has changed....a LOT! But that's what happens when you give up half your income and add two mouths to feed (and freaking insure - our health insurance DOUBLED) at basically the same time. Plus our utility bill went up significantly because someone was home all day every day (we're talking over $600 in the summer months).

So after the initial shock of being a mom AND surviving a major loss of income and therefore downgrade in lifestyle, I would not give it up for ANYTHING! I can have nice things and treatments later (including botox....love me some good botox). My kids will only be young once and for a very short time. Even though I never thought home cooked steak would be a luxury, I'm loving every minute of it....and so are my kids.

Wednesday, May 11

Wordless Wednesday: Mystery bleeder

As you know, Bubbi has a nose fetish right now where either her fingers, her food or a mystery item is usually in her nose. I was cooking dinner and came out to find this nose bleed...who knows how she got it and as you can tell by her goofy faces, she didn't care


Tuesday, May 10

Review: The ONLY double stroller...

Don't laugh, but I went through FOUR double strollers before I finally found my match! I know...FOUR!

First was the Baby Trend Double Sit N Stand Stroller, Skylar my friend gave me. Keep in mind Boo was only 12 months old when Bubbi was born. The car seat infant option really only worked well in the back. When in use (so basically all the time in the beginning) it forced Boo to sit so upright that he was almost leaning forward and he hated it. Plus the thing was so freaking heavy...about forty pounds! Throw in two babies, a car seat and a diaper bag packed for three then try walking up the hill on my street...buns of steel yes, but I preferred not to get a hardcore sweat on every time we walked anywhere or I needed to lift it in and out of the trunk.

So what did I do? I bought an even heavier stroller!! Kolcraft Contours Options Tandem Stroller, Ruby was my next attempt. That mother of a stroller had some great options and versatility, but you have to unassemble the 50 pound beast to fold it up! Ok, so now the stroller was even heavier AND it took an extra 10 minutes to get in and out of the car every time we went anywhere. The sunshades were a joke, way too small and not adjustable. Plus this P.O.S. was really flimsy and not well made....HELL NO!

Third try...Combi Twin Sport 2010 Side by Side Double Stroller, Sand. This awesome stroller was light/under 30 pounds, folds up really small and opens and closes very easily. Winner? NO! Side by side sucked because the kids could hit, pull and steel from each other effortlessly.

Ok...now I know I need something that's light, opens and closes easily, has great sunshades and does not allow the kids to mess with each other too readily. At this point I told my husband I was not giving myself a budget - getting the best of the best no matter the cost!

BOB Revolution SE Duallie Stroller, Orange was my first thought. Then I saw a lady have to break hers down to fit through a doorway! OMG WTF? No way. *Note: I believe they have since come out with one that fits through the average doorway. Either way, my friend had terrible issues with one of her tires always going flat.

Next I considered the Bumbleride Indie Twin 4 Wheel All Terrain Stroller with 12" Wheels, Ruby. I really liked the features and the look, but finally decided I wasn't a runner and didn't want to deal with air filled tire maintenance since I didn't need them.

Then I fell in love...Baby Jogger 2010 City Mini Double Stroller, Black/Black. The dimensions are perfect: 38.5 x 29.75 x 41.5. This baby easily fit through the door into my master bedroom. It weighs in beautifully at 26.6 pounds and holds 100 pounds worth of kids (most doubles max out near 90 pounds). The sunshades are fabulous and large (adjustable to three options with two windows each) for my fair skinned babies. And the best part is the amazingly quick and easy way it folds (go to  http://www.babyjogger.com/city_mini_dbl_dtl.aspx to watch the video)! Plus, the kids cannot really access each other unless they are both leaning forward. It was more affordable than the other options I had been exploring and it was truly exactly what I needed! It does come quite bare so you may need to buy things you tend to expect most strollers to have standard like a belly bar, car seat adapter, child tray etc.

Since my purchase I have sold FOUR other mommies on this baby! Every single one of them is totally in love. The only complaint has been the basket size, but they wouldn't trade it for anything. Actually, one of the mommies I suggested I write this post.

So there it is...the best double stroller on the market is the Baby Jogger 2010 City Mini Double Stroller, Black/Black!!!

Monday, May 9

SOOO need to watch our mouths

Boo loves to say what I say. All kids repeat what the hear. Common knowledge. So why do I have so much trouble watching what I say?!?!

Just the other day I told Boo to tell his sister to get her butt upstairs. So Boo shouts, "BUBBI! GET YOUR BUTT UPSTAIRS!". Bleh...so glad I didn't say ass.

Then of course there's the time he told me how Bubbi was "pissing" him off. I try really hard to say "bugging" now..she's bugging you, honey.

But then there's daddy....oh too comfortable with the "F" word. Boo was in his car seat laughing to himself and then let out an "ah f*ck"..." oh so casual!! WTF!? DADDY!!!!!

Daddy was there and couldn't stop from laughing. I wasn't. I would prefer Boo not get kicked out of preschool. I would prefer he not showcase his parents white trash inabilities to watch their mouths. I think I need to do an intervention on daddy's potty mouth before I really start with Boo's, wouldn't you agree?

Friday, May 6

Review: Skyzone Indoor Trampoline Park

The kids and I were recently asked to review Skyzone Indoor Trampoline Park. Honestly, I have wanted to go to one of these for a while, but thought my kids much too young.

Wrong! We went to the Rocklin Skyzone from 1 to 2 pm during their toddler jump (for kids 6 and under) and the kids had a BLAST!!! Boo was bouncing all over the place while Bubbi did her best to keep up, taking lots of breaks to play with the balls, tunnels and other younger kid toys they had out.

The other kids there ranged from infant, two toddlers and three preschoolers. It was a perfect crowd for my little ones. They have an employee on the court at all times to make sure everyone is following the rules (something most indoor bounce house places around here don't which irks me because the big kids are always a second away from hurting one of my little ones). And, the place was SUPER clean from top to bottom.

Besides the drive (we live about 40 minutes away, but great to add to a Galleria shopping day trip), the kids had a blast, got a lot of energy out and I actually had a really good time bouncing too. We are definitely going back when its too hot or too cold to be outside!

Thursday, May 5

Randon Rants: I said WHAT?

I did it...one of those huge social faux pas. Thank god, no, I didn't ask a non-pregnant lady when she was having her baby.

I did, however, ask a 60+ year old woman and her 68+ year old husband how old their granddaughter was.

"Oh, she's our daughter. She'll be six in a few months."

Ok Ramona, put your foot in your mouth and walk away. Me, no. I'm not slick like that. So I ask where they adopted her from.

HOLY CRAP I JUST ASKED WHAT!?!? Do I EVER think before I speak!?!? Rarely.

"The Philippines. It was a four year process........"

Thank you, Lord. It was obvious as the little girl was obviously not the daughter to the two old white folks. They went on to tell me their awesome and insane adoption story. Apparently you must reside in the Philippines for three years once you gain possession of the child (that sounds terrible...gain possession?).

Hm. Very interesting. Let's try and keep our mouth shut next time, yes?

Wednesday, May 4

Wordless Wednesday: No Daddy Daycare

Daddy did dinner and bedtime without me so I could attended a charity event. This is what I came home to...the kids had been asleep for over an hour and he was reading on the couch.

yes, those are puffs all over the floor...

yes, those are the couch cushions on the floor and there appears to be food smeared all over the base of the couch...

though it appears a dog chewed the crap out of the handle, we don't have one. At least that was the orange stuff all over the couch base instead of food.

Sunday, May 1

SD Giveaway Winner is....

NUMER FOUR! Kandace Denys "shared via facebook".

Congrats Kandace!



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