Scout Ant Headhunter

I DESPISE ants.

They do not belong anywhere near my home. I see one outside and I want to strip naked and submerse myself into a body of water (don't worry, I don't do it every time I see one). Yes, I guess you could say I have a phobia of ants, myrmecophobia google tells me.

First of all, know that ONE scout ant will return to his hill and tell his buddies where the food, grease etc is. Even if you kill the bastard they can follow the scent of his trail. You see one today, tomorrow you have an army two million deep cruising through your kitchen.

So here is how it goes down when I see an ant, one single scout ant, in my home.

EVERYTHING is cleared off all the counters of my kitchen. The counters are wiped clean with a potent mix of pinesol and water (straight pinesol if I'm feeling extra hardcore). Everything is wiped down and thoroughly inspected for signs of food, grease or ants before returning to the sterile counter environment.

Then the floors. I vacuum every inch of the floors, moving furniture toys and whatever/whoever might be in my path. The floors are the sterilized with my Euro-Pro Shark S3501 Steam Pocket Mop with 3 Quick Release Mop Heads and 4 Pads. Then I go over with the pinesol again.

Ceasar, my bug guy, is on speed dial of course and is immediately notified that I WILL be his first appointment the following day. He baits the out of reach cracks in my kitchen and gives me the same speech that I have too many indoor plants like his wife.

He leaves and I take a deep breath....until I see another scout ant on my territory and then we do it all again....