And then there was Bubbi...

I've said it, being pregnant sucks (or at least sucked for me). What's worse?  Being pregnant when you have a kid (or an infant like me...remember Boo was only 3 months old when I found out I was pregnant with Bubbi)!

Even though I didn't "work" while pregnant with Bubbi, I got waaay less rest than when I was pregnant the first time. No coming home from work at 5:30 and crashing on the couch. No deciding that Saturdays and Sundays were for beaching myself in my Lazyboy recliner with the remote. No, Boo needed to be changed, fed and played with no matter what day of the week it was.

So now I lost the only good thing about being pregnant to me, and that was sitting on my pregnant ass and being treated like a princesses. Boo didn't care! He even made me carry him up and down the stairs through the whole pregnancy (no, he was not a super baby and couldn't walk at 3 months old...wtf?). And yes, I lifted the 30 pound stroller in and out of the car even at nine months pregnant (gasp! a first time pregnant woman would probably expect to spontaneous miscarriage if they did such a thing).

The good thing? I only gained 21 pounds even though I ate anything and everything I wanted (gained 37 with Boo and that was with counting calories and going to the gym). So it had its upside...I guess.

The last few weeks of my pregnancy were torture! I cried everyday just praying for her to come and end my insanity. I checked the mirror several times a day to see if my stomach became a road map (I didn't).

I lost sleep at night over the fear of having to love a second child when I loved Boo so much. How much was he going to regress? Would he ever forgive me? Would he hate her and try to smother her to death? So many worries and discomforts!

Finally, on the night of Boo's first birthday, I went into labor. I came out of the bathroom and told hubby we might need to call 911 because there was so much blood. He just laughed and said he got a pretty good view last time and lots of blood was normal.

We got to the hospital and they put me in their stupid observation room and left me there for an hour! They finally come back and were like, "Oh we need to admit you." NO SHIT!

So I'm in excruciating pain and want my epidural (no all-natural here...I'm a puss...no shame), but they insist on giving my IV first and confirmed I didn't feel any pressure (I felt tons of pressure but no way in hell was anybody going to tell me I was too far along for an epidural).

Well, my blood pressure drops (it's low usually and both pregnancies made it go too low several times) and they can't find a vein. Then I almost pass out from the needles so Bubbi's heart rate drops too low and they need to give me juice and wait...THREE MORE TRIES WITH THE NEEDLED!

Finally they bring in the pro and get me hooked up and give me my amazing drugs. As soon as the epidural is in, I let the nurse know I was lying and did feel tons of pressure, like, a flipping hour ago before all this drama. She gives me a smirk and checks me...an 8.5+.

And what happens? The epidural totally stalled my labor..THANK GOD! I so needed some time to watch TV and read a magazine after all that pain...plus I knew the impending doom that is a newborn!

Bubbi was born five hours after my epidural. I pushed her out in 5 minutes with no stitches (healing was a breeze with her...nothing like the crap I went through after Boo was born).

My daddy, mother-in-law and Boo came to meet the new princess a few hours later. Boo was terrified of me in the hospital bed and barely interested in his new sister. I was totally distraught.

The next day we went home and began the second part of our adventure in parenting...Bubbi and Boo makes two!

Kids can ruin your marriage: From 2 months to the 2nd pregnancy...

We left off with no sex and no sleep with a tired, abused body for the wife. Husband's day to day is quite similar to before kids with work etc while the wife stays home with a new baby and what's left of her body (I know this sides with the wife, I'm trying husbands...).

Both wife and husband are somewhat over the shock in the abrupt change in their lives. In my house, sleep was returning as by two months, my little Boo was sleeping about 10.5 hours straight (feel free to virtually shoot me, I know...what an awesome baby).

Now the wife, mommy, is finally really adjusting and feeling this whole mommy thing (as well as physically returning to a human as opposed to an abused host to a possessed watermelon). Seeing her husband, daddy, hold the baby warms her heart. Daddy feels the same when he sees his wife in her maternal state...in the back of his mind he sees his new position in life as baby first, husband second. Marital stress!

And now the sex pressure comes back. Right around that time I had finally been cleared for sex, though it was still very painful and low on my to-do list (I am 100% healed now for all you terrified moms to be). We finally did it...once. Poor husband wants to return to more life as usual (aka before kids) in the bedroom, while wife is so not there yet! Marital stress!

Me? Well, I found out I was pregnant a few weeks later...yes, Boo was only 3 months old when we found out we were going to have another baby one night shy of an immaculate conception! AND CRAP! Be pregnant for another lame nine months! MORE MARITAL STRESS!

Kids can ruin your marriage: Conception to Delivery

Most marriages are in a good place when you decide to try and have kids (if you don't have a woops that is).

An early stress can come from the pressure of "baby making". Sex is no longer for pleasure, it has a purpose...and a time...and as time goes on without conception, a position....a time of day...a diet...hormone shots....testing etc. None of those are "good" for a marriage.

So now your pregnant with or without the stress of trying to conceive. If the wife is anything like me, life changes from the moment you find out your pregnant. The worry officially begins.

I'm going to miscarry. The baby is going to be deformed. The baby is going to be a freak because I didn't take the right vitamins or because I ate soft cheese or because I sat in the jacuzzi before I knew I was pregnant or because I drank...A LOT...before I knew I was pregnant....the insanity is OVERBEARING!

So now said wife is anxious and stressed for her unborn baby's future, not to mention pregnant (insert copious amount of hormones here)...and terrified for the physical changes to come.

Let's go to the husband. Financial stress of supporting a family, college funds and the like overwhelm his mind. The changes to his wife's body and mood are terrifying, but he is supposed to be the perfect, loving husband now more than ever and not show weakness. And sex? Well, that is just scary now...but still a natural male need...that's a problem! And what about his freedom and guys nights out?

Everything is about to change and the impending doom mixed with excitement and hundreds of other emotions can easily beat the crap out of a marriage.

Now we have 40 weeks of emotional roller coasters on both sides. Even assuming everything goes well with the pregnancy and baby, the couple is still under significant pressure of the impending changes about to come.

Wife goes into labor. Husband feels powerless. Wife gives birth. Husband gets a too close view of the process. My husbands response was, "that was THE most national geographic shit I've ever seen". Wife feels like she just gave birth (like crap, ok....you feel like crap right after you deliver your first baby) and both are exhausted and overwhelmed with emotions.

Now go home and play house with your new role as parents....to be continued.

And then there was Boo

I guess it would be best to start with my pregnancy with Boo. I've never wanted anything more than to be a mommy. I went to a college preparatory high school where the girls were trained to be doctors and lawyers (however several ended up being strippers...imagine that). Anyhow, my dream was to be a stay at home mom so you can imagine the looks I got! So getting pregnant was supposed to be step one in my lifelong dream. NO! I freaked out swearing the child was going to have a serious disorder if I didn't miscarry first. I hated pretty much everything about being pregnant. I don't care what anyone says, being pregnant is the most unnatural thing that can happen to a woman's body!!! I had constant morning sickness without vomiting until week 18. I had the world's worst road rage. My boobs hurt, my back hurt, I ended up having fainting spells from low blood pressure (one while I was driving....awesome), it hurt to no end when the baby moved and I was always waiting for him to make me spontaneously vomit or poop my pants (never happened). Labor was fine....nineteen and a half hours with only ten minutes of pushing. His heart rate dropped quickly and they pulled out hedge sheers for an episiotomy. I took one look at those and pushed him out!! His APGAR score was a 2 (on a scale of 1-10 with 1 being the worst). They did CPR and he was fine. Very scary, but his five minute APGAR score was a 9. Then I attempted breastfeeding and we all went to sleep. I woke up to find blood blisters all over my poor boobs! Insert several painful meetings with lactation consultants, missed sleep and four second degree tears down there and life SUCKED! I officially thought I had ruined my life!!!

Insert two weeks of secretly planning running away and failed breastfeeding attempts. I gave up on being the perfect mommy early...breastfeeding wasn't going to work. At 6 weeks I cried because I couldn't go back to work yet (6 more weeks off via Paid Family Leave). By 12 weeks I cried because I thought I may have to go back to work. From there life got much better and Boo was a perfect baby. By about 2.5 months he was sleeping ten plus hour stretches...insert Bubbi Oops here.