So, being the super cool mom I am, I decided to meet some friends at a new local children's museum. I go places alone with both kids alllll the time. No big!
No big? F-ME BIG!
Bubbi decides she's done. Over it. Time to go. Ok, so I give Boo a 10 minute warning. In the meantime, Bubbi throws herself on the floor and conducts a no-joke 10 minute tantrum. I just let her while I talk to other moms and occasionally mouth "two year old" or "nap time" to staring passerbys.
Ten minutes later I tell Boo time to go (with a one minute warning before of course). He FLIPS OUT.
Really? They are really both going to do this to me? Awesome!!!
I pull kicking and screaming Bubbi off the floor and try to carry her flailing body in one arm and Boo in the other.
No go.
We make it to the parking lot and both kids drop to the floor kicking and screaming. Boo's shoe is off and all he wants me to do is hold him...after I put his shoe back on. Bubbi just wants to freak out, kick and scream and generally act like a tired two year old from hell.
A few minutes later of me not making it anywhere and this ANGEL (with strollered 2 year old twins of her own) offers to help. I say, "PLEASE!"
She takes kicking and screaming Boo with both hands while I have kicking and screaming Bubbi in one hand and I push the stroller with the other. We get to my car and Bubbi is COVERED IN BLOOD!!!!
REALLY?!??!!
I thank the lady and she bolts. I lock Boo in the car (he's totally freaked out now - yes, even more than before - since a stranger just carried him 15 yards) so I can see why the hell Bubbi is bleeding.
Turns out to be her gums. Cut them or something at some point during her freak out. I fight to strap her sorry butt in the car then get Boo in.
We leave. THANK GOD!
Showing posts with label modern mom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label modern mom. Show all posts
Friday, September 2
Thursday, April 28
Just Call CPS: At Town Center
Being the stupid and spacey mom I am, I thought it would be a great idea to get the kids out of the house even though they've been sick. It was that or kill them both and then myself (not really, but you get the idea). After a few days on lock down, Bubbi snapped and started biting, hitting, pushing, pulling, sitting on and just in general driving Boo insane CONSTANTLY.
So we left the four walls and went to get some take out to eat at Town Center's picnic area (usually empty/few to no kids to expose to our latest and greatest ailment). We get there and eat...all is well.
Boo wants to cross the street to go to the other picnic area. I take Boo's hand and try to grab Bubbi's. "NO!" she tells me. That's nice, too bad. You have to hold my hand or we aren't crossing the street.
She drops to the floor and pulls a full on tantrum. Boo is starting to get upset because he'd prefer we cross the street than stand and watch Bubbi scream on the floor (yup, that's what I do....let them scream until they are ready to do what needs to be done).
Three minutes later, Bubbi is still screaming. We are right by the street and cars are slowing down to get a good look at the scene. I smile at them to assure I don't need help...or the police called on me. After about five minutes I pick up the ranging almost two-year-old and carry her flailing body across the street while holding Boo's compliant hand (she's holding strong and not about to stop tantruming any time soon). He runs to play. I somewhat drop, somewhat set down Bubbi's insanely pissed body as she continues to tantrum. Of course I look up to see about 10 business people enjoying what was a quiet happy hour on the patio of a local bistro...laughing at Bubbi. I smile and look down at my naughty lemur acting her damn age.
Ok, so now its been 10 minutes. She is not regrouping in the slightest even though we crossed the street (hand holding being the original source of this all). I call Boo over and tell him time to go. He's bummed but follows. He whines a few times because he wants me to hold him (but I am doing my best to hold the flailing, insane Bubbi).
We make it to the car (singing comes from the heavens). Boo gets in and I take a quick moment to thank him for his amazing behavior. I have to wrestle Bubbi into her seat all wrestling WWE style (had to throw my elbow to get her buckled as she was still in full satanic toddler mode).
The rabid beast screams the ENTIRE 15 minutes home. Boo looks like he's dying. What the hell was I thinking?!?!
We get home. Boo's fever is 102!!! OMG I SUCK!!! Bubbi recovers and continues to be an antagonistic brat to her brother. He cries so hard from one of her jabs he pukes. EARLY BEDTIME!
Judge away. I totally blew this one!
So we left the four walls and went to get some take out to eat at Town Center's picnic area (usually empty/few to no kids to expose to our latest and greatest ailment). We get there and eat...all is well.
Boo wants to cross the street to go to the other picnic area. I take Boo's hand and try to grab Bubbi's. "NO!" she tells me. That's nice, too bad. You have to hold my hand or we aren't crossing the street.
She drops to the floor and pulls a full on tantrum. Boo is starting to get upset because he'd prefer we cross the street than stand and watch Bubbi scream on the floor (yup, that's what I do....let them scream until they are ready to do what needs to be done).
Three minutes later, Bubbi is still screaming. We are right by the street and cars are slowing down to get a good look at the scene. I smile at them to assure I don't need help...or the police called on me. After about five minutes I pick up the ranging almost two-year-old and carry her flailing body across the street while holding Boo's compliant hand (she's holding strong and not about to stop tantruming any time soon). He runs to play. I somewhat drop, somewhat set down Bubbi's insanely pissed body as she continues to tantrum. Of course I look up to see about 10 business people enjoying what was a quiet happy hour on the patio of a local bistro...laughing at Bubbi. I smile and look down at my naughty lemur acting her damn age.
Ok, so now its been 10 minutes. She is not regrouping in the slightest even though we crossed the street (hand holding being the original source of this all). I call Boo over and tell him time to go. He's bummed but follows. He whines a few times because he wants me to hold him (but I am doing my best to hold the flailing, insane Bubbi).
We make it to the car (singing comes from the heavens). Boo gets in and I take a quick moment to thank him for his amazing behavior. I have to wrestle Bubbi into her seat all wrestling WWE style (had to throw my elbow to get her buckled as she was still in full satanic toddler mode).
The rabid beast screams the ENTIRE 15 minutes home. Boo looks like he's dying. What the hell was I thinking?!?!
We get home. Boo's fever is 102!!! OMG I SUCK!!! Bubbi recovers and continues to be an antagonistic brat to her brother. He cries so hard from one of her jabs he pukes. EARLY BEDTIME!
Judge away. I totally blew this one!
Wednesday, April 20
Cookbook: A Guide to Simply Good Eats
If you know me even a little bit, you know I don't cook. Blue Box mac and cheese needs a measuring cup if I'm cooking it (yes, I've messed it up several times).
So believe me when I say that this is an awesome and amazingly easy cookbook!
I made the Artichoke Chicken, Chicken Salad and Elyse's Artichoke Dip. Tonight I'm making the Roasted Red Pepper Poppers. Everything has been to die for!!!!
Here is a little peek at my favorite things so far if you want to try it at home...
Chicken Salad
~ 4 boneless/skinless chicken breasts (fresh or frozen)
~ kosher Salt
~ olive Oil
~ ½ cup red grapes, chopped
~ ½ cup celery, chopped
~ ½ cup red, yellow or green onion, chopped
~ ¼ cup almonds, sliced (or any nut)
~ ½ cup mayo
~ ¼ tsp curry
~ Salt & pepper to taste
Heat oven to 350°F.
Place chicken in a greased baking dish, drizzle with olive oil and sprinkle with kosher salt. Bake uncovered until fully cooked, about 30 minutes (45 mins if chicken is frozen).
In a large bowl, add all ingredients except mayo. Set aside until chicken is cooked.
Once chicken is cooked, chop in small cubes. (do not let chicken cool) Add chicken and mayo to bowl and mix well.
Let salad cool for at least 30 minutes.
Serve on your favorite bread with lettuce and or sprouts.
There are also tons more of great recipe including some Low Carb Fried Chicken and Better Than Sex Cake!
You want one? Well the author is offering five of them directly on here for only $25 each PLUS two free hair bows from her etsy shop, Tiny Toppings. Contact her at texdahls@yahoo.com. She accepts paypal. Free local delivery or $6.50 shipping. I will be buying one for my mother-in-law for mother's day (my mother thinks a cheeseburger is healthy because it has all the food groups and she "cooks" by cruising through the drive-thru)...done and done!
Monday, April 11
Let's Teach Together: The ABCs
Ok parents. We all know how hard it is to try and teach our kids everything we want to because of well, life! You have more than one kid or your house is dirty or you need to go to the gym or you work full time...lots of not valid, but real excuses! Maybe you have the best intentions, but you get overwhelmed with trying to teach your child ALL the letters or ALL the colors at once.
This is what I do at home and I thought you may all like to join me as we are just starting over!
I do a letter a week. I go in alphabetical order and then start over. I have these super cute Nerdy Baby ABC Flashcards for Very Young Scientists
that I use along with your standard magnet alphabet letters. You can by nice ones like Melissa & Doug Magnetic Wooden Alphabet or the cheap ones from your local Dollar Store (just don't let your younger children play with the cheap ones because they have exposed tiny magnets in the back that can pop out and be a chocking hazard).
This is how you do it. Monday morning you show your child/ren the flashcard and letter of the week. Tell them the letter and have them repeat. Say a few nouns that start with the letter (think airplane instead of amazing...much easier for young children to understand nouns, parents). Put it on the fridge and continue your life. Every morning point out and say the letter. Every time you see that letter (ok, maybe not every time) throughout the week on a sign you are walking by or in a book you read, point it out.
Next week, go onto the next letter and so on.
No child is too young for this. You read to your newborn, may as well engage them more by pointing out some letters...plus it might keep the new, first time mom from going as insane! If your child is older, consider adding a vocabulary word or a multiplication family (think 2 x 1, 2 x 2, 2 x 3 etc).
Teaching your child in this non forceful, no stress manner will give your child the knowledge they need to succeed and the confidence they need to thrive without the pressure to preform. It is the least we can do for our children.
This is what I do at home and I thought you may all like to join me as we are just starting over!
I do a letter a week. I go in alphabetical order and then start over. I have these super cute Nerdy Baby ABC Flashcards for Very Young Scientists
that I use along with your standard magnet alphabet letters. You can by nice ones like Melissa & Doug Magnetic Wooden Alphabet or the cheap ones from your local Dollar Store (just don't let your younger children play with the cheap ones because they have exposed tiny magnets in the back that can pop out and be a chocking hazard).
This is how you do it. Monday morning you show your child/ren the flashcard and letter of the week. Tell them the letter and have them repeat. Say a few nouns that start with the letter (think airplane instead of amazing...much easier for young children to understand nouns, parents). Put it on the fridge and continue your life. Every morning point out and say the letter. Every time you see that letter (ok, maybe not every time) throughout the week on a sign you are walking by or in a book you read, point it out.
Next week, go onto the next letter and so on.
No child is too young for this. You read to your newborn, may as well engage them more by pointing out some letters...plus it might keep the new, first time mom from going as insane! If your child is older, consider adding a vocabulary word or a multiplication family (think 2 x 1, 2 x 2, 2 x 3 etc).
Teaching your child in this non forceful, no stress manner will give your child the knowledge they need to succeed and the confidence they need to thrive without the pressure to preform. It is the least we can do for our children.
Friday, April 8
My Morning: Too much shopping
So today, like any other stay at home mom, I had to take the kids with me to run a few errands (so makes me miss my lunch breaks at work).
First stop Sam's Club, a warehouse membership store in my area. Kids did great. Well, Boo did great and Bubbi tried to stand up in the cart a few times...nothing too bad.
Next stop BabiesRUs. We tore the place up. I let them check out every isle of toys and cleaned up after them (though I must brag that they mostly put the toys back where they belonged when they were done...however most still leaves 49 out of 100 toys for mommy to pick up). Again, a little hectic but nothing too bad. Worst thing was probably Boo begging for stuff, something he just now started to do. Yuck.
Onto get new shoes. Why? Well, Boo lost ONE shoe to the brand new $30 ones I just bought him. So I bought cheap $5 ones...that TIE with LACES! STUPID! Now he can't do them by himself and he thinks its awesome to knot them. Bubbi like to completely unlace them every chance she gets.
So 2 weeks of having one pair of shoes that fits with laces, time to buy some new shoes.
Back to the store. The lady whips out the shoes sizer and Boo says "sissy first". Bubbi does like its, well, as painless as getting your damn foot sized. Boo? He runs away screaming and f-ing hides! Find him and try to get him to physically place his foot on the apparently flaming, man eating metal foot sizer while, you guessed it, Bubbi runs and hides. WTF?
Not even close to getting an acurate messurment for Boo, I drop him (oops, literally) and run to chase Bubbi down. I'm no joke that screaming mom in public that should never have had kids. I promise frozen yogurt to any child that sits in the stroller and behaves. So now everyone is in the stupid stroller.
I grab some flipping Crocs, try them on his feet and check out. Bubbi wiggles free and is again running a muck while I ditch my wallet and Boo to go chase her down, yes, again.
We leave. Thank god.
At this point I would have literally had to beat and bend the crap out of Bubbi to get her back in the seat so I let her walk holding my hand to the car. Almost there she pulls a fast one and runs to the curb to balance walk on it! AGAIN! AWESOME MOM!
Grab her shove the kids and the shoes in the car, warning Bubbi that if she has one more bad behavior she will not get her treat. As Boo tries to slide past her to get into his seat she dead locks him between her shoes and the chair. He's flipping out, but not screaming yet because she has the wind knocked out of him!
BUBBI! NO NO! NO TREAT!
She lets go and they both cry in unison. Yes, I am getting dirty looks from the old people who just parked next to me.
We drive through McDonald's to get Boo's "frozen yogurt" (really a fruit and yogurt parfait). Bubbi cries when she sees I really didn't get her one. I cry too because I feel so bad, but know she needs to start taking me seriously.
So I look back and this is what I see...
AHHH! What a mess! The really stupid part? I gave this to the kids just a few days ago in the car and they did the same thing! Why would I be so stupid as to do it twice, I don't know. I don't know.
And of course, here is Bubbi with her sad face sans her treat...
Saturday, April 2
The most undomesticated "domestic" housewife
I know this isn't the 1950s, but...
My high school didn't offer Home Ec classes. I don't know how to cook much more than Kraft Mac and Cheese...even then I botch it if I don't follow the instructions with measuring cups and all.
I can't sew more than a button on. I am terrible at getting out tough stains and tend to iron in more wrinkles than anything.
I suck at budgeting. My idea of balancing the checkbook is checking online to see how much we have...or avoiding that altogether by using my credit card.
I can't handle planning meals for a whole week, let alone grocery shopping that far ahead without throwing out half of it from going bad (or eating it all the first two days).
I get overwhelmed easily when I see a pile of dishes, smudges on the walls and floors and remember the laundry piles in the laundry room. When I'm overwhelmed I do what any good woman does, I grab the ice cream and turn on some reality tv (if the kids are awake we leave the problem/home and return in time for naps, dinner etc)
I fail at keeping a clean house and clean kids (dried boogers on the cheeks is in right now, yes?) with a smile on. I cannot maintain two kids and a house on my own while daddy works....especially in high heels with makeup on and perfect hair! If you can, feel free to come over here and do it for me.
My high school didn't offer Home Ec classes. I don't know how to cook much more than Kraft Mac and Cheese...even then I botch it if I don't follow the instructions with measuring cups and all.
I can't sew more than a button on. I am terrible at getting out tough stains and tend to iron in more wrinkles than anything.
I suck at budgeting. My idea of balancing the checkbook is checking online to see how much we have...or avoiding that altogether by using my credit card.
I can't handle planning meals for a whole week, let alone grocery shopping that far ahead without throwing out half of it from going bad (or eating it all the first two days).
I get overwhelmed easily when I see a pile of dishes, smudges on the walls and floors and remember the laundry piles in the laundry room. When I'm overwhelmed I do what any good woman does, I grab the ice cream and turn on some reality tv (if the kids are awake we leave the problem/home and return in time for naps, dinner etc)
I fail at keeping a clean house and clean kids (dried boogers on the cheeks is in right now, yes?) with a smile on. I cannot maintain two kids and a house on my own while daddy works....especially in high heels with makeup on and perfect hair! If you can, feel free to come over here and do it for me.
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