About this blog

If you're looking for me to brag about how cute my kids are (which they are) or talk about how much weight I did or didn't lose this week, you are in the wrong place! I have a Facebook account for that. This blog is about the blunt truths of parenting, tips and tricks of the trade, some addicting mommy junk and all the other disgusting hilarity that ensues when you have kids...especially two kids only 12 months apart like myself.

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Saturday, April 30

Olive to Sew: April Showers/May Flowers Giveaway

Olive to Sew: April Showers/May Flowers Giveaway

Check out this AMAZINGLY HUGE giveaway!

Royal Wedding Pics...take two!

My first post on the Royal Wedding was immediately after I woke up and couldn't find much online. Twenty four hours later there are soooo many great pictures to see, I thought I would share the official pictures at http://www.flickr.com/photos/britishmonarchy/ (all rites reserved by the British Monarchy). Thank you so much, Marilou, for the tip!

So, since I don't want to deal with copy rite laws go to: http://www.flickr.com/photos/britishmonarchy/

Friday, April 29

Girls Day!

Boo is sick and has been for a few days. Bubbi is over being on lock down as she was sick for a few days before him.

I look like crap. No waxing, cutting, pedicuring etc has been done in MONTHS (don't worry, I have showered and shaved).

SOOOO, daddy took the morning off to stay home with Boo while Bubbi and I went to get my eyebrows waxed, get my hair cut, get lunch and get pedicures! SHE WAS A FREAKING ANGEL!!! I know, Bubbi was...GOOD!

Here are some shots of our awesome mother daughter spa day.

Royal Wedding Pics!

So I googled "Royal Wedding" and went to images.....flipping nothing from the actual wedding!! WTF??

Then I found these two pictures on http://www.blogguidebook.com/

And here's another from http://www.csmonitor.com/

From what I can see in these pictures, I'm pretty impressed by the Church wedding gown (not a fan of sleeves but can't look like a hooker in a church, let alone a cathedral)....though I need to see the rest, dammit!

UPDATEL Great site to get see some awesome pics!

Thursday, April 28

Just Call CPS: At Town Center

Being the stupid and spacey mom I am, I thought it would be a great idea to get the kids out of the house even though they've been sick. It was that or kill them both and then myself (not really, but you get the idea). After a few days on lock down, Bubbi snapped and started biting, hitting, pushing, pulling, sitting on and just in general driving Boo insane CONSTANTLY.

So we left the four walls and went to get some take out to eat at Town Center's picnic area (usually empty/few to no kids to expose to our latest and greatest ailment). We get there and eat...all is well.

Boo wants to cross the street to go to the other picnic area. I take Boo's hand and try to grab Bubbi's. "NO!" she tells me. That's nice, too bad. You have to hold my hand or we aren't crossing the street.

She drops to the floor and pulls a full on tantrum. Boo is starting to get upset because he'd prefer we cross the street than stand and watch Bubbi scream on the floor (yup, that's what I do....let them scream until they are ready to do what needs to be done).

Three minutes later, Bubbi is still screaming. We are right by the street and cars are slowing down to get a good look at the scene. I smile at them to assure I don't need help...or the police called on me. After about five minutes I pick up the ranging almost two-year-old and carry her flailing body across the street while holding Boo's compliant hand (she's holding strong and not about to stop tantruming any time soon). He runs to play. I somewhat drop, somewhat set down Bubbi's insanely pissed body as she continues to tantrum. Of course I look up to see about 10 business people enjoying what was a quiet happy hour on the patio of a local bistro...laughing at Bubbi. I smile and look down at my naughty lemur acting her damn age.

Ok, so now its been 10 minutes. She is not regrouping in the slightest even though we crossed the street (hand holding being the original source of this all). I call Boo over and tell him time to go. He's bummed but follows. He whines a few times because he wants me to hold him (but I am doing my best to hold the flailing, insane Bubbi).

We make it to the car (singing comes from the heavens). Boo gets in and I take a quick moment to thank him for his amazing behavior. I have to wrestle Bubbi into her seat all wrestling WWE style (had to throw my elbow to get her buckled as she was still in full satanic toddler mode).

The rabid beast screams the ENTIRE 15 minutes home. Boo looks like he's dying. What the hell was I thinking?!?!

We get home. Boo's fever is 102!!! OMG I SUCK!!! Bubbi recovers and continues to be an antagonistic brat to her brother. He cries so hard from one of her jabs he pukes. EARLY BEDTIME!

Judge away. I totally blew this one!

Wednesday, April 27

Wordless Wednesday

Bubbi went pee in the potty (yay!) last night and walked away with it. I was about to follow her to get it and dump it, then I got distracted. When I found it, it looked like this (empty)....CRAP! Where is the pee? Never found it...and all the bathroom doors were closed.

Monday, April 25

Random Rants: Stiches from childbirth

Even though many people warned me of some of the down side to having new babies, no one told me how ITCHY the stitches healing "down there" would be!!!

Now, I had heard everything from "its better to tear than get an episiotomy" to "you'll be so sleep deprived"...no one ever told me about how terribly itchy I would be if I needed stitches!

Boo was Edward Scissor Head and tore me four terrible directions. Recovering was itchy hell until all four 2 inches stitches fell out...about six weeks after he was born. Thank god I didn't need any stitches with Bubbi! Healing was a breeze.

So mommies to be....plan on being VERY F-ING ITCHY if you need a butt load of stitches like I did. Just a friendly heads up! Supposedly hemorrhoid pads (yes, on your bruised and beaten vag) can help, but no one told me so I just suffered.

Good luck with that one ladies!

Saturday, April 23

And then there was Bubbi...

I've said it, being pregnant sucks (or at least sucked for me). What's worse?  Being pregnant when you have a kid (or an infant like me...remember Boo was only 3 months old when I found out I was pregnant with Bubbi)!

Even though I didn't "work" while pregnant with Bubbi, I got waaay less rest than when I was pregnant the first time. No coming home from work at 5:30 and crashing on the couch. No deciding that Saturdays and Sundays were for beaching myself in my Lazyboy recliner with the remote. No, Boo needed to be changed, fed and played with no matter what day of the week it was.

So now I lost the only good thing about being pregnant to me, and that was sitting on my pregnant ass and being treated like a princesses. Boo didn't care! He even made me carry him up and down the stairs through the whole pregnancy (no, he was not a super baby and couldn't walk at 3 months old...wtf?). And yes, I lifted the 30 pound stroller in and out of the car even at nine months pregnant (gasp! a first time pregnant woman would probably expect to spontaneous miscarriage if they did such a thing).

The good thing? I only gained 21 pounds even though I ate anything and everything I wanted (gained 37 with Boo and that was with counting calories and going to the gym). So it had its upside...I guess.

The last few weeks of my pregnancy were torture! I cried everyday just praying for her to come and end my insanity. I checked the mirror several times a day to see if my stomach became a road map (I didn't).

I lost sleep at night over the fear of having to love a second child when I loved Boo so much. How much was he going to regress? Would he ever forgive me? Would he hate her and try to smother her to death? So many worries and discomforts!

Finally, on the night of Boo's first birthday, I went into labor. I came out of the bathroom and told hubby we might need to call 911 because there was so much blood. He just laughed and said he got a pretty good view last time and lots of blood was normal.

We got to the hospital and they put me in their stupid observation room and left me there for an hour! They finally come back and were like, "Oh we need to admit you." NO SHIT!

So I'm in excruciating pain and want my epidural (no all-natural here...I'm a puss...no shame), but they insist on giving my IV first and confirmed I didn't feel any pressure (I felt tons of pressure but no way in hell was anybody going to tell me I was too far along for an epidural).

Well, my blood pressure drops (it's low usually and both pregnancies made it go too low several times) and they can't find a vein. Then I almost pass out from the needles so Bubbi's heart rate drops too low and they need to give me juice and wait...THREE MORE TRIES WITH THE NEEDLED!

Finally they bring in the pro and get me hooked up and give me my amazing drugs. As soon as the epidural is in, I let the nurse know I was lying and did feel tons of pressure, like, a flipping hour ago before all this drama. She gives me a smirk and checks me...an 8.5+.

And what happens? The epidural totally stalled my labor..THANK GOD! I so needed some time to watch TV and read a magazine after all that pain...plus I knew the impending doom that is a newborn!

Bubbi was born five hours after my epidural. I pushed her out in 5 minutes with no stitches (healing was a breeze with her...nothing like the crap I went through after Boo was born).

My daddy, mother-in-law and Boo came to meet the new princess a few hours later. Boo was terrified of me in the hospital bed and barely interested in his new sister. I was totally distraught.

The next day we went home and began the second part of our adventure in parenting...Bubbi and Boo makes two!

Friday, April 22

Screw sorry, here's some bling

My dear husband was a totally a$$ a few days ago. No way around it...straight up a$$.

He comes home from work and I see a jewelry box sitting on the counter (picture staged....no I didn't ruin the moment to take pictures)....

I ask him if I can open it, assuming its some of his grandma's old jewelry (she died a few months ago and jewelry boxes come and go since then like we are Cartier...ok, maybe Zales).

I open it and THIS is what I see!!!

He remembered I wanted some black diamonds...and then bought me some?!? No way!

So I ask if its new? And its for me? Why? Just because huh...Not wanting to push my luck I thank him enormously and put it on.

Later that evening I finally get it out of him that yes, it was a sorry gift because he'd rather buy me diamonds than say sorry!! WTF? Whatever, I'll take diamonds over words (thanks Danielle for that awesome quote)!

Wednesday, April 20

Cookbook: A Guide to Simply Good Eats

If you know me even a little bit, you know I don't cook. Blue Box mac and cheese needs a measuring cup if I'm cooking it (yes, I've messed it up several times).

So believe me when I say that this is an awesome and amazingly easy cookbook!

I made the Artichoke Chicken, Chicken Salad and Elyse's Artichoke Dip. Tonight I'm making the Roasted Red Pepper Poppers. Everything has been to die for!!!!

Here is a little peek at my favorite things so far if you want to try it at home...

Chicken Salad

If you’ve had one too many turkey or ham sandwiches and are in need of a change, this chicken salad will hit the spot. Also a great salad for any celebration, just double the recipe.

~ 4 boneless/skinless chicken breasts (fresh or frozen)
~ kosher Salt
~ olive Oil
~ ½ cup red grapes, chopped
~ ½ cup celery, chopped
~ ½ cup red, yellow or green onion, chopped
~ ¼ cup almonds, sliced (or any nut)
~ ½ cup mayo
~ ¼ tsp curry
~ Salt & pepper to taste

Heat oven to 350°F.

Place chicken in a greased baking dish, drizzle with olive oil and sprinkle with kosher salt. Bake uncovered until fully cooked, about 30 minutes (45 mins if chicken is frozen).

In a large bowl, add all ingredients except mayo. Set aside until chicken is cooked.

Once chicken is cooked, chop in small cubes. (do not let chicken cool) Add chicken and mayo to bowl and mix well.

Let salad cool for at least 30 minutes.

Serve on your favorite bread with lettuce and or sprouts.

SOOOOO GOOD! My mother-in-law, a total foodie, is going to be making this for her next hosted event because she claims it is the best chicken salad she ever had!

There are also tons more of great recipe including some Low Carb Fried Chicken and Better Than Sex Cake!

You want one? Well the author is  offering five of them directly on here for only $25 each PLUS two free hair bows from her etsy shop, Tiny Toppings. Contact her at texdahls@yahoo.com. She accepts paypal. Free local delivery or $6.50 shipping. I will be buying one for my mother-in-law for mother's day (my mother thinks a cheeseburger is healthy because it has all the food groups and she "cooks" by cruising through the drive-thru)...done and done!

Wordless Wednesday: Gogurt oops

Boo apparently had some gogurt shoot out accidentally (believe me it was not on purpose as gogurt is very special to him).

This is what I walked up to see...

As you can see, Bubbi could care less as she is too busy eating her gogurt...

Once I finished cleaning Bubbi off, I saw this...

And yes, I was yelling for him to stop as I was taking the picture. Terrible mom. Oh well, hilarious!

Monday, April 18

Diary of neurotic mom:The evolution of my myrmecophobia

As I have stated in the past, I am darn close to full on myrmecophobia (phobia of ants). If you missed it, be sure to read my procedure for dealing with a scout ant at http://bubbiandboo.blogspot.com/2011/03/scout-ant-headhunter.html.

So I thought you might all like to see my issue with ants slowly turn into a true psychiatric disorder (as a case study for those sicked hearted people who are glad there are people worse off then themselves....much like myself).

My latest and greatest addition to my insanity is emptying the vacuum every time I use it. Why? Well, the large majority of crap I vacuum up is food. And although I hate to admit it, I'm sure I vacuum up an ant or two without noticing.

OMG!?!? What if the scout ant lived through being vacuumed and found the way back to his homies....then they all had a party to my vacuum and back through my livingroom, down the hallway and straight into my laundry room!??! OH HELL NO!!!

ANNNNNND, what if my vacuum smells like a five star restaurant and some ant hits the jackpot and tells his homies....again, terrible picture of a thick parade of ants to my vacuum!!!

So yes, my issue with ants continues to escalate into more neurotic, ritualistic behaviors. Wonder if I should see some help?

Um, maybe later.

Preschool Backpacks!

So I have been looking for preschool backpacks for the kids for months now (I know, I'm obsessive)...at stores, online etc.

I FINALLY found the flipping cutest brand and ordered one for Bubbi (Boo was napping and I wanted him to pick his out...no, Bubbi didn't get to choose).

Drum roll please....STEPHEN JOSEPH!!! No, not getting paid (or even a discount) for this post. Just pure love.

Here is the one I got Bubbi...

Here is Bubbi with it in the car (its like her little lap dog or something...she doesn't put it down)...

And here she is modeling the backpack all "I just got arrested" style...and Boo with his old one couldn't miss out on the fun...

And here are the ones I'm giving Boo to choose from...

And here are just some more cute ones and some matching items!! LOVE THEM!!

Stephen Joseph Square Lunch Box Race Car

Ok ok...I'll stop.

Sunday, April 17

Just call CPS: Boo under the cabinet

When Boo was 11 months old to the day, and I was one month short of Bubbi's due date to the day (yes, Bubbi was due on Boo's first birthday), drama struck.

I was waddling around the playroom/kitchen area cleaning toys while Boo played happily with his books under the cabinet. I looked up to see Boo chewing on a new cassette tape (yeah, I know...I have records lying around too) in plastic wrap that I had shoved in with his books well before he was born. Stupid inexperienced mom! I waddled over to him to grab it from him before he chewed off a piece of plastic - AKA chocking hazard.

Crap. I small chunk of the plastic was missing. Ok, deep breath. I checked him out and he was breathing but making an odd sound like he was trying to get something out of the back of his throat.

Here's where I go wrong...PANIC! I shoved my pointer finger in his mouth to try and scoop it out. He started screaming in pain as blood started dripping out of his mouth.

More panic. I called my friend who's husband is a fireman. He was at work. I didn't want to be a psycho mother and call 911 all willy-nilly. He was breathing fine, but was screaming and small amounts of blood was streaking his drool. She said, "when I doubt, call 911". Why the hell didn't I think of that?!?! STUPID PANICKING MOTHER!

So I hang up with her and call 911...from my cell. We're cheap if you haven't gathered that yet, so no land line. Dude that answers asks me what county and transfers me to my local dispatch. Stupid **&^ said, "no, you don't like in our county...what's your address...blah blah blah". More stupid panicking mother. I know what county I live in, but I let the stupid **&^ transfer me to the neighboring county's dispatch. They knew I need to be transferred back to the first dispatch once I gave them my address and send me back.


I get the same stupid **&^ on the phone and she sends help. In the meantime my awesome friend shows up...about 10 minutes later a heard of hot firemen show up.

Now keep in mind this is late in the afternoon and I am huge pregnant. I'm wearing one of my house tanks soaked and stained with belly emollients and probably pajama shorts. I'm crying from terror and Boo is hysterical from the commotion.

After a few minutes and several different firemen attempts, a piece of plastic is pulled from Boo's mouth. No one is sure if there is more and the stupid fireman who took it out had no clue where he put it.

I can, A: assume its all been removed and go on with my afternoon, B: drive him myself to the closest ER and hope he doesn't have another piece suffocate him in the meantime or C: crusie in an ambulance with some EMTs that could save him should another section decide to block his airway...AMBULANCE PLEASE!

So we cruise in the ambulance to the local hospital. Husband shows up. Doctor decides we should do an x-ray of his chest/throat to see if we can see more. No clue if plastic shows up on an x-ray, but sounded like a better option than just pray his airway was clear and he wouldn't die in his sleep that night.

Several hours pass and after finding nothing we go home with an order to search poop for plastic for the next few days so we didn't need to worry about digestion blockage/issues. Lucky me...lucky pregnant me.

Insert several large, steamy poops and two days. I'm cleaning the counter and there it is...the piece of plastic said fireman removed from Boo's mouth. It was all folded up. Once I unfolded it I was able to match it perfectly to the missing piece on the cassette tape.

Bastard hot fireman! I could have saved myself the expense of an ambulance ride and trip to the ER, not to mention the years of life I gained on my face, hours I wasted at the ER, nasty time spent digging through poop, super traumatic x-ray for Boo and the respect I lost from the husband. DAMN YOU!

Friday, April 15

Mickey and Minnie Party: Candle Holders

As you know, I am busting my booty on planning my kids a fantastic Mickey and Minnie party for their second and third birthdays in May. However, I have champagne taste on a beer budget.

Here are the cutest candle holders ever that I wanted to buy, but couldn't see paying nearly $30 for two with shipping. They are from Hands 2 Design.

So I tried to make my own from Playdough. The turned out super cute (I know the photo quality sucks...camera phone, ok?).

However, they dried like this even though I followed instructions on how to dry playdough out without it cracking (totally B.S.)...

So I bought some awesome Crayola Model Magic Deluxe Variety Pack and tried again.

 I used cut toothpicks to hold the balls together and hot glued a hand-tied bow to an additional toothpick for Minnie's bow.

Playdough is much easier to work with and looked much better before it dried. The Model Magic was much harder to roll into smooth perfect balls and it got a bit smooshed when drying from its own weight. I think I like them....if I decide I don't like the new ones, I'll make playdough ones last minute and just use them wet! God knows Bubbi has eaten her share of playdough and lived to tell the tale!

Wednesday, April 13

Wordless Wednesday: Our visit with the Bunny (no, not the scary one)

We don't do big, scary costumes too well in this house.

Bubbi screaming Christmas 2010...

And Boo's turn Christmas 2010...

Last year's visit with the bunny was just Bubbi. Super cute. Boo finally got in the frame, but we had to bribe him by allowing him to hold a pen...looked like crap. Being the best mommy EVER, I can't find the pictures.

Here's my precious little lemurs 2011 Easter pic. Too cute, I know! I'm very pleased as they are both not screaming...they are smiling and looking in the right direction...a fluke? Probably, but I'll take it. They are sporting their cute outfits from Elle Dee (I just washed them and they still look new)!

And here's the unedited version (thank you Kim) showcasing Bubbi's hardcore bruises and the picture lady's hat that she loved (K. Walker Photography).

Tuesday, April 12

Just Call CPS: I am only one

Kids get hurt. It happens. Still a sad sight when it does!

This past weekend we went to a quaint little town as a family. Daddy wanted to run into a delicate trinket store, a no go for the kids.

So the kids and I spent a few minutes alone like we do every other day of our lives when daddy works. Unfortunately, things went bad quickly.

Bubbi fell and scraped her shin and knee. No biggie. Time to head to the car anyways as daddy would only be a few minutes. So I buckle Bubbi into her seat and clean her scrapes.

Boo is directed to hold onto the chain in between two metal posts. He is within arms reach and I can see him out of the corner of my eye. He is a good listener and only needs to wait while I quickly clean Bubbi's leg before I buckle him in on the other side.

Thud, scream and Boo is gone from the corner of my eye!!!

AHHH! I look over to see Boo getting off the floor with asphalt nastiness in his hair. He's trying to cry, but doing that gasping for air thing. Poor dude must have flipped over the top of the chain he was "holding" on to. Ok, mommy kiss it better.

Then he turns up to look at me and this is what I see...

Holy crap! A goose egg from hell that is bleeding!!! WHERE IS DADDY! NEED ASSISTANCE!

I console Boo and wait for what seemed like hours (less than five minutes) until daddy comes to the car (champ Boo had stopped crying after only a minute or two). The minute he walks up I burst into tears. He sees the damage and runs to a restaurant to grab Boo some ice.

Boo's fine. Bubbi ate it over a pile of sticks an hour later and gashed up the same leg a little more before we made it to the safety of home (and pants). Mommy needed a drink. Long day. Being only one person, one mommy with more than one kid, can be rough...for everyone!