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If you're looking for me to brag about how cute my kids are (which they are) or talk about how much weight I did or didn't lose this week, you are in the wrong place! I have a Facebook account for that. This blog is about the blunt truths of parenting, tips and tricks of the trade, some addicting mommy junk and all the other disgusting hilarity that ensues when you have kids...especially two kids only 12 months apart like myself.

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Tuesday, June 7

Just Call CPS: Gum and the dyer

No, it isn't what you think - no gum was in my dryer. However, I did win another patch for my Mother of the Year jacket.

My latest and greatest obsession has been extreme couponing (google it if you must). I was online researching coupons instead of watching my kids every moves (gasp! I never said I was a great or nearly perfect mom)...in the middle of the kitchen/house mind you.

Boo runs up to show me a piece of GUM he wants to give daddy. WTF!? Where did he get gum?? So I run into the room to find two freaking packs of gum spread all over with several empty wrappers. CRAP!

I quickly count the wrappers and note that there are six or seven missing pieces of gum. I start to look for the pieces then use my mommy smarts and smell his breath. Yum. The little shit ate gum. AHHH!

I run to the fridge to call poison control from my handy fridge magnet (no surprise that I've had to call them several times before), but it isn't there! Why do I throw away important things when I clean/purge?!? REALLY? Thank god he didn't drink f-ing draino!

Laptop is up and running so I google poison control and call them. I go through the standard questions (yes, I know the routine well). As the nice man on the other end of the line is confirming Boo will live (should I not wring his neck) with only the slight possibility of the runs, my husband shouts out, "you're daughter is in the f***ing dryer!"

CRAP! Did the man on the phone here that? CPS will be here for sure if he did!!

I quickly hang up and run to save my apparently suicidal two-year-old Bubbi. She is unscathed and all I can do is laugh (after firmly reminding her the washer and dryer are not toys/dangerous).

Haaaahaaaa. Yeah, hilarious.

2 comments:

freddyandpetunia said...

Ramona---you are such a funny girl! You should have a reality show!
Catherine

Yellzer said...

R ~ are you printing online coupons or just getting them from the sunday paper? If online, have you found good free sites. I keep getting on the computer with the intent to find good free coupons but am having a hell of a time staying on track.

~ Danielle