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If you're looking for me to brag about how cute my kids are (which they are) or talk about how much weight I did or didn't lose this week, you are in the wrong place! I have a Facebook account for that. This blog is about the blunt truths of parenting, tips and tricks of the trade, some addicting mommy junk and all the other disgusting hilarity that ensues when you have kids...especially two kids only 12 months apart like myself.

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Thursday, May 19

My morning: The gym

My ass is expanding so, like any woman who doesn't want her ass to expand, I went to the gym.

No, Tuesday is wasn't that easy. It was one of those days where the world was out to get me. No way around it. The weather sucked and the kids were rowdy.

I packed up the kids and got them into the car...a little later than usual, but we were on our way. My mom called and I answered the phone (yes, hands free). I missed my usual turn...no biggie. Take the next one.

Then I saw cops blocking off the street. BOOOOO! Ok, turn around and go back the way I usually go. More cops! WTF? Someone better be dead for all this commotion (I know, straight to hell for me).

One more u-turn and down another block. More cops! Ok, not an accident. What the hell is going on Tuesday morning that requires so much police activity???

FORTH attempt and I see a carnival being set up. Really?! All this for a carnival...in the flipping rain?? No way.

About to turn one more time when I finally catch you can't go through that way either! WTF? Quick post on mobile facebook and I find out there is some stupid bike race. Ugg!!!! My fat ass needs to work out!

But I am hungry and now it is almost the kids lunchtime....

I tell the kids we're going to skip the gym and go out to eat. Boo flips out because he loves the gym child care. FINE!! I'll try and get us there. However, the kids need to eat soon so they don't flip out (got out late and already burned about 30 extra minutes in traffic and u-turns).

Drove through McDonald's. I ate a deep fried nugget...on my way to the freaking gym!

Took the freeway all the way to the other side of town. Go up the back way...that should work. WRONG! BLOCKED!

Take the next road...dumb ass! That street goes back to the one you were just on! How long have you lived here?

Last try. Go all the way to to river and go up that street. If this one doesn't work, we're going home to cry and hide for a week.

It works!!! I get the kids out and drop my cell phone in the rain and it shatters into three pieces. Awesome!

I make the kids walk because I can't emotionally handle carrying either of them at this point. We're about to step up onto the sidewalk when Bubbi squeals with despair as she steps into a huge puddle of water - soaking both feet...socks, shoes and all. SWEET! I took of her shoes and socks. She hates no shoes and socks. Whatever. Scream away, honey.

We get into the child care long ass line and oops - no ID! Can't drop the kids off without your driver's license. Usually you have to take the kids with you to return to your car to go get it. I think the lady sensed I'd probably kill her or cry, so she let me leave the kids there so I could go back out in the pouring rain alone to get it.

FINALLY busting my butt on the stepmill. It took an hour and a half to make a usually twenty minute trip! Thirty seven minutes in and feeling good - going to do a solid hour with some sprints in the next few minutes....

"Excuse me...we've got a poopy," says the child care dude to my sweaty, panting face. SERIOUSLY?!?!? NOW!??!

"Ok, just give me a minute to cool down because I pass out if I don't cool down on this machine." I'm pissed because I know Bubbi will freak if I leave her after changing her, plus I know I won't be able to get back into it. PLUS it's almost naptime because it took me so long to get to the gym!

Change her nasty poop and leave to shower (yes, she flipped out, but at this point I could really care less).

I shower, grab the kids and get them all bundled up to go out in the rain (but no shoes or socks for Bubbi because they're all wet). Boo decides he has to pee. Takes off his jacket and demands to use the adult locker room. Fine!

So now we are finally heading out the door and they both breakdown. NAP TIME! Boo refuses to put his jacket on and barefooted Bubbi wants to play with the food they sell (like protien drinks etc).

I wrangle up Bubbi and tell Boo, "Fine! No jacket! We're leaving!" He comes holding my hand...until we're in the middle of the street. Then he drops to his knees to have a tantrum because he want's his jacket on in the rain. Yes, he stops to tantrum on the wet floor because he doesn't want to get wet from the rain. IN THE FLIPPING STREET! I am mother-of-the-year at this point as cars stop to watch me wrangle an angry barefooted Bubbi and a jacketless tantruming Boo in the rain in the middle of the street.

"TOO BAD!!" I'm so not stopping to put his jacket on 20 feet from the car with my barefoot pissed off Bubbi and gym bag in one hand.

I am pulling him to the car as best I can without ripping his arm out or dropping Bubbi. In. The. Pouring. Rain.

I get their naughty butts in the car and rush home for nap time!

WHAT THE HELL DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS!?!?!? Oh yeah, I thought I might deserve a trip to the gym. Silly me.

After nap that day I snapped this picture. Ahhh, how cute! They're holding hands! See Boo's face? It says, "Team Bubbi and Boo had another victory over mommy this morning...hahahaha!"


Dallas Single Mom Examiner said...

Seriously I know how you feel! You forgot the part where they are fighting with each other in the car claiming the other hit them. Your oldest is screaming because she dropped a toy in the car and it's rolling in the floor.

I enjoy your blog - no matter how much prep you do, you can never be fully prepared.

Glad we are following each other!

Small Kucing said...

Omgh! What a tough time you've had. Salute you!

Palak said...

Bravo!! I think u streched ur self just for ur loving kids!!

Jess said...

ugh! I hate days like that!!! I feel like my kids went through a phase like this right about the same age as yours are. So hold tight lady, it will pass!!! In the meantime just remember to hold your ground with them, it's hard and sometimes it makes a tough situation worse but in the long run it will pay off.

I always count to 5 with my kids and it didn't work at first, but after a few time outs or light spankings they each respect the countdown now.

Lacey said...

I have had more of those them I care to count. Yesterday we went to Java Mamas twice just so Avery and I could have a break from Amaya.

natasha said...

Oh my :((((

bubbi and boo said...

thanks for the love, ladies! glad i'm not the only one who gets beat down sometimes by life...or the kids!