About this blog

If you're looking for me to brag about how cute my kids are (which they are) or talk about how much weight I did or didn't lose this week, you are in the wrong place! I have a Facebook account for that. This blog is about the blunt truths of parenting, tips and tricks of the trade, some addicting mommy junk and all the other disgusting hilarity that ensues when you have kids...especially two kids only 12 months apart like myself.

Search This Blog

Showing posts with label neurosis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label neurosis. Show all posts

Monday, April 18

Diary of neurotic mom:The evolution of my myrmecophobia

As I have stated in the past, I am darn close to full on myrmecophobia (phobia of ants). If you missed it, be sure to read my procedure for dealing with a scout ant at http://bubbiandboo.blogspot.com/2011/03/scout-ant-headhunter.html.

So I thought you might all like to see my issue with ants slowly turn into a true psychiatric disorder (as a case study for those sicked hearted people who are glad there are people worse off then themselves....much like myself).

My latest and greatest addition to my insanity is emptying the vacuum every time I use it. Why? Well, the large majority of crap I vacuum up is food. And although I hate to admit it, I'm sure I vacuum up an ant or two without noticing.

OMG!?!? What if the scout ant lived through being vacuumed and found the way back to his homies....then they all had a party to my vacuum and back through my livingroom, down the hallway and straight into my laundry room!??! OH HELL NO!!!

ANNNNNND, what if my vacuum smells like a five star restaurant and some ant hits the jackpot and tells his homies....again, terrible picture of a thick parade of ants to my vacuum!!!

So yes, my issue with ants continues to escalate into more neurotic, ritualistic behaviors. Wonder if I should see some help?

Um, maybe later.

Saturday, March 26

Diary of neurotic mom: Alcoholism, please

Let me quickly start that I would like to call this section "Diary of a neurotic mommy", but Boo, Mr. J Cool himself, calls me mom more than mommy...so mom it is. Another note, I am neurotic. If you know me well, you will have thought "no shit". Thanks for the love.

Wikipedia defines Neurosis as a class of functional mental disorders involving distress but neither delusions nor hallucinations, whereby behavior is not outside socially acceptable norms. OMG I really am neurotic?!? Hard for me to believe most moms aren't to a certain extent, but that's just my opinion.

Ok, to the post.

Ever since I was pregnant with Bubbi, my second, I often found myself having to consciously choose to not be an alcoholic. Of course it wasn't an option when I was pregnant, but I did think several times a week, "thank god I'm pregnant because this would be the ideal time to become an alcoholic".

Now that my body is mine, the option to become an alcoholic is continually appealing. Especially after last night! Boo, my long-time champion sleeper, has been waking up at night and keeping me up for an hour plus (long story not meant for this post...this one is about the mommies dammit).

Wake up this morning at 8 am after being awake from 2:15 am to about 4:30 am. Grumpy and feel what I can only describe as hungover (no, I took no meds or drank no booze in the last 24 hours). First thought? Oh how wonderful it would be to pop a xanax and chase it down with a fish-bowl sized glass of red wine!

Now there would have been a time when I kept this desire (that's all it is...a desire that will never be acted upon because, well, I enjoy having custody of my kids...usually) to myself. However, a friend posted a jest on Facebook yesterday referring to stay-at-home moms taking valium. The responses were hilarious ranging from calling valium "mother's-little-helper" to stating "I'm on the wine train" and "choo choo"!

My point? If you wake up and find yourself ashamed that you want to start the day with a hardcore sedative and/or a bottle of tequila, don't! Not saying you should act on it...at least not every day.