Kids can ruin your marriage: From 2 months to the 2nd pregnancy...

We left off with no sex and no sleep with a tired, abused body for the wife. Husband's day to day is quite similar to before kids with work etc while the wife stays home with a new baby and what's left of her body (I know this sides with the wife, I'm trying husbands...).

Both wife and husband are somewhat over the shock in the abrupt change in their lives. In my house, sleep was returning as by two months, my little Boo was sleeping about 10.5 hours straight (feel free to virtually shoot me, I know...what an awesome baby).

Now the wife, mommy, is finally really adjusting and feeling this whole mommy thing (as well as physically returning to a human as opposed to an abused host to a possessed watermelon). Seeing her husband, daddy, hold the baby warms her heart. Daddy feels the same when he sees his wife in her maternal state...in the back of his mind he sees his new position in life as baby first, husband second. Marital stress!

And now the sex pressure comes back. Right around that time I had finally been cleared for sex, though it was still very painful and low on my to-do list (I am 100% healed now for all you terrified moms to be). We finally did it...once. Poor husband wants to return to more life as usual (aka before kids) in the bedroom, while wife is so not there yet! Marital stress!

Me? Well, I found out I was pregnant a few weeks later...yes, Boo was only 3 months old when we found out we were going to have another baby one night shy of an immaculate conception! AND CRAP! Be pregnant for another lame nine months! MORE MARITAL STRESS!

Kids can ruin your marriage: First few weeks after birth

Where did we leave off? Oh yes, both husband and wife are exhausted and full of emotions.

Hearing the nurse say we were being discharged from the hospital after Boo's birth was one of the most surreal moments of our lives. My husband and I looked at each other like, wow, they are sending us home with a baby? Are they sure we know what we're doing???

So we put Boo in the car seat and go home. We pull the car seat out of the car and set him in the middle of the living room and stare at him. Ok, this is really freaking weird!

Here is how it went for me: Breastfeeding sucked. It hurt and I just couldn't get it down right. I wanted to strangle my husband for every comment he made as supportive as it was....he didn't have to wake up every two hours and try to figure it out! What did he know?

After delivering Edward-Scissor-Head (Boo gave me FOUR nasty tears), I couldn't sit, stand, walk or lay comfortably for six to seven weeks. My body hurt and I stunk (from the hormones...and I sweat like a pig...thank god though because I had a lot of water weight to shed). This doesn't exactly make someone cheery and easy to get along with (poor wife AND poor husband).

My husband? Well, he looked a little tired. He got to go away to work (he went back to work after only a few days as he's self-employed) while I was stuck in the house with baby that only pooped and wanted to torture me via breastfeeding. Resentment officially set in.

Now, the biggest thing that put stress on our marriage for me was waking up, even after we switched to bottles, to a crying baby. Now how the hell could he possibly be sleeping? Nudge nudge...your turn dude. No response. Ok, I'll do it...AGAIN! He did have to work the next day and I "got to stay home with the baby" so I should do it anyways....grrr.

Basically the husbands life still slightly resembles his old one: sleep through the night, go to work... The wife? Every moment of life is different. No work. No sleep. Different body. For me, terrible skin for the first few weeks after Boo was born.

To top it off, ourconversations centered around baby poop and how much he was eating. Both of us were exhausted and grumpy. More marital stress as we try and adjust to our new lives wearing our new hats and mommy and daddy...oh yeah, and no sex for anyone!

To be continued...

Kids can ruin your marriage: Conception to Delivery

Most marriages are in a good place when you decide to try and have kids (if you don't have a woops that is).

An early stress can come from the pressure of "baby making". Sex is no longer for pleasure, it has a purpose...and a time...and as time goes on without conception, a position....a time of day...a diet...hormone shots....testing etc. None of those are "good" for a marriage.

So now your pregnant with or without the stress of trying to conceive. If the wife is anything like me, life changes from the moment you find out your pregnant. The worry officially begins.

I'm going to miscarry. The baby is going to be deformed. The baby is going to be a freak because I didn't take the right vitamins or because I ate soft cheese or because I sat in the jacuzzi before I knew I was pregnant or because I drank...A LOT...before I knew I was pregnant....the insanity is OVERBEARING!

So now said wife is anxious and stressed for her unborn baby's future, not to mention pregnant (insert copious amount of hormones here)...and terrified for the physical changes to come.

Let's go to the husband. Financial stress of supporting a family, college funds and the like overwhelm his mind. The changes to his wife's body and mood are terrifying, but he is supposed to be the perfect, loving husband now more than ever and not show weakness. And sex? Well, that is just scary now...but still a natural male need...that's a problem! And what about his freedom and guys nights out?

Everything is about to change and the impending doom mixed with excitement and hundreds of other emotions can easily beat the crap out of a marriage.

Now we have 40 weeks of emotional roller coasters on both sides. Even assuming everything goes well with the pregnancy and baby, the couple is still under significant pressure of the impending changes about to come.

Wife goes into labor. Husband feels powerless. Wife gives birth. Husband gets a too close view of the process. My husbands response was, "that was THE most national geographic shit I've ever seen". Wife feels like she just gave birth (like crap, ok....you feel like crap right after you deliver your first baby) and both are exhausted and overwhelmed with emotions.

Now go home and play house with your new role as parents....to be continued.