Bubbi and bugs

Bubbi has always been my nastier child. She eats things like sand and shoved things in her nose.

A few days ago, Bubbi ran up to me shouting, "SEE!! SEE!! SEE!!" and very proudly showed me a live freaking bumble bee! Thank god my mommy's helper was right next to me and calmly saved the day. She just took it from Bubbi and disposed of it humanely or something.

Yesterday, Bubbi again ran up to hand me something. This time she said "yucky mom." I began to reach my hand out then saw that it was a "dead" spider! Being the awesome mom that I am, I quickly smacked it out of her hand. Then the "dead" spider started to scury away!!!

OMGGGGGGG! No freaking way? WTF is wrong with her?

I quickly smashed it with my flip flop then ran for a paper towel to pick it up while both kids laid down on their tummies to get a closer look at the villain.
Really? My girl is the bug catching creeper? I was opening to have bypassed that kid since Boo hasn't shown much interest. Guess I'll be checking Bubbi's pockets for frogs.

Wordless Wednesday: Mystery bleeder

As you know, Bubbi has a nose fetish right now where either her fingers, her food or a mystery item is usually in her nose. I was cooking dinner and came out to find this nose bleed...who knows how she got it and as you can tell by her goofy faces, she didn't care

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Wordless Wednesday

Bubbi went pee in the potty (yay!) last night and walked away with it. I was about to follow her to get it and dump it, then I got distracted. When I found it, it looked like this (empty)....CRAP! Where is the pee? Never found it...and all the bathroom doors were closed.

Wordless Wednesday: Gogurt oops

Boo apparently had some gogurt shoot out accidentally (believe me it was not on purpose as gogurt is very special to him).

This is what I walked up to see...

As you can see, Bubbi could care less as she is too busy eating her gogurt...

Once I finished cleaning Bubbi off, I saw this...

And yes, I was yelling for him to stop as I was taking the picture. Terrible mom. Oh well, hilarious!

My Morning: Too much shopping

So today, like any other stay at home mom, I had to take the kids with me to run a few errands (so makes me miss my lunch breaks at work).

First stop Sam's Club, a warehouse membership store in my area. Kids did great. Well, Boo did great and Bubbi tried to stand up in the cart a few times...nothing too bad.

Next stop BabiesRUs. We tore the place up. I let them check out every isle of toys and cleaned up after them (though I must brag that they mostly put the toys back where they belonged when they were done...however most still leaves 49 out of 100 toys for mommy to pick up). Again, a little hectic but nothing too bad. Worst thing was probably Boo begging for stuff, something he just now started to do. Yuck.

Onto get new shoes. Why? Well, Boo lost ONE shoe to the brand new $30 ones I just bought him. So I bought cheap $5 ones...that TIE with LACES! STUPID! Now he can't do them by himself and he thinks its awesome to knot them. Bubbi like to completely unlace them every chance she gets.

So 2 weeks of having one pair of shoes that fits with laces, time to buy some new shoes.

Back to the store. The lady whips out the shoes sizer and Boo says "sissy first". Bubbi does like its, well, as painless as getting your damn foot sized. Boo? He runs away screaming and f-ing hides! Find him and try to get him to physically place his foot on the apparently flaming, man eating metal foot sizer while, you guessed it, Bubbi runs and hides. WTF?

Not even close to getting an acurate messurment for Boo, I drop him (oops, literally) and run to chase Bubbi down. I'm no joke that screaming mom in public that should never have had kids. I promise frozen yogurt to any child that sits in the stroller and behaves. So now everyone is in the stupid stroller.

I grab some flipping Crocs, try them on his feet and check out. Bubbi wiggles free and is again running a muck while I ditch my wallet and Boo to go chase her down, yes, again.

We leave. Thank god.

At this point I would have literally had to beat and bend the crap out of Bubbi to get her back in the seat so I let her walk holding my hand to the car. Almost there she pulls a fast one and runs to the curb to balance walk on it! AGAIN! AWESOME MOM!

Grab her shove the kids and the shoes in the car, warning Bubbi that if she has one more bad behavior she will not get her treat. As Boo tries to slide past her to get into his seat she dead locks him between her shoes and the chair. He's flipping out, but not screaming yet because she has the wind knocked out of him!

BUBBI! NO NO! NO TREAT!

She lets go and they both cry in unison. Yes, I am getting dirty looks from the old people who just parked next to me.

We drive through McDonald's to get Boo's "frozen yogurt" (really a fruit and yogurt parfait). Bubbi cries when she sees I really didn't get her one. I cry too because I feel so bad, but know she needs to start taking me seriously.

So I look back and this is what I see...

AHHH! What a mess! The really stupid part? I gave this to the kids just a few days ago in the car and they did the same thing! Why would I be so stupid as to do it twice, I don't know. I don't know.

And of course, here is Bubbi with her sad face sans her treat...

My Morning: I wanted Raisin Bran

I'm either brave, liberated or stupid, but I take a shower when the kids are up. I literally jump in, wash my face and body, and jump out (hair washing and shaving are for naps and bedtime).

This morning I gave Bubbi her breakfast (Boo woke up earlier and had finished his) and jumped in the shower. I came out to this...

Arrrg!!! Really?!?! Ok, deep breath, totally my fault for leaving her unattended for 2.3 minutes. Walk away, get dressed and then I'll deal with it.

On the way back to the bathroom I see this...

REALLY!?!? Eggs and ham in the carpet? Awesome! WALK AWAY QUICKLY!

I guess I missed the memo that she wanted Rasin Bran, not eggs and ham with toast, for breakfast. Silly mommy.

Bubbi's nose fetish

Bubbi has a track record of shoving things in her nose.

Several months ago I was changing her Huggies Overnites Diapers, Size 5, Big Pack, 56-Count and I thought I saw something in her nose. I grabbed the tweezers and carefully dug in. I pulled out what was once a grape, then a raisin and now almost a grape again! Again, this was first thing in the morning! How long was that replumped raisin flipping in there? Yuck!

That was my first ever nose experience as Boo isn't a nose shover, or whatever the hell it should be called. Insert several months since then of telling Bubbi "NO" as she shoves pretzels, toys, her fingers and whatever else appeals to her nose cavity in there....

Today I'm driving merrily from the gym to the drive-thru Starbucks to reward the kids with food (bad mommy!). I look back at Bubbi and she has her snack, Gerber Graduates Sweet Potato Puffs, 1.48-Ounce Canisters (Pack of 6), shoved in both nostrils. I see that one side is bleeding!!!

What do I do? Take a quick photo at the next red light of course!

Quick note: she wasn't crying until I told her it was bleeding (a scare tactic to try and prevent this from happening all the flipping time).

Back to the story....light turns green and we zoom into the Starbucks drive-thru line. I tell her to blow and now the blood is really going. Lovely. I get her to blow again and bloody food is all over her mouth and chin...and yes, she licks it off and eats it before I can fly back there and wipe it off. 

Moral of the story? Well, all kids are different...Boo never did this kind of crap! And, as always, KIDS ARE NASTY!

The plunger is not a toy...

Cholera is supposedly an illness mainly related to third world countries and areas of devastation...so why is it that I'm so worried my kids with get it?

THEY'RE NASTY!

Ok, all kids are nasty and don't understand "common sense" things right off the bat (though that totally changes the basis of the phrase "common sense" to "learned sense"). We are all born idiots and only gain common sense through life experiences like eating sand, falling off chairs and everything else stupid.

Back to the story.

I am so suprised neither of my kids have gotten Cholera or any other disease that comes from uncleanliness. Don't get my wrong, I clean....I scrub....I sterilize.

Here are some of the issues that come along with close birth spacing. When Boo was potty training Bubbi wanted to see, taste and be a part of all of it! When I was trying to wipe Boo's butt, Bubbi was playing in the little potty of poop. If I dumped the poop first, she was all up in his butt with him screaming. I eventually got a system down that limited her exposure to his poop, but no system is perfect (especially if Bubbi is involved).

Then there's the plunger and the toilet scrubber. Why oh why are they so exciting? Just the other day while I was trying to carry on adult conversation with a friend while Boo did his business, Bubbi found the plunger and was swinging it over her head hitting Boo with it.

Nasty.

Wipe the kids down and wait for the early symptoms of CHOLERA, "profuse painless diarrhea and vomiting clear fluid" per Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cholera.

Oh the joys of parenting....