Just Call CPS: Gum and the dyer

No, it isn't what you think - no gum was in my dryer. However, I did win another patch for my Mother of the Year jacket.

My latest and greatest obsession has been extreme couponing (google it if you must). I was online researching coupons instead of watching my kids every moves (gasp! I never said I was a great or nearly perfect mom)...in the middle of the kitchen/house mind you.

Boo runs up to show me a piece of GUM he wants to give daddy. WTF!? Where did he get gum?? So I run into the room to find two freaking packs of gum spread all over with several empty wrappers. CRAP!

I quickly count the wrappers and note that there are six or seven missing pieces of gum. I start to look for the pieces then use my mommy smarts and smell his breath. Yum. The little shit ate gum. AHHH!

I run to the fridge to call poison control from my handy fridge magnet (no surprise that I've had to call them several times before), but it isn't there! Why do I throw away important things when I clean/purge?!? REALLY? Thank god he didn't drink f-ing draino!

Laptop is up and running so I google poison control and call them. I go through the standard questions (yes, I know the routine well). As the nice man on the other end of the line is confirming Boo will live (should I not wring his neck) with only the slight possibility of the runs, my husband shouts out, "you're daughter is in the f***ing dryer!"

CRAP! Did the man on the phone here that? CPS will be here for sure if he did!!

I quickly hang up and run to save my apparently suicidal two-year-old Bubbi. She is unscathed and all I can do is laugh (after firmly reminding her the washer and dryer are not toys/dangerous).

Haaaahaaaa. Yeah, hilarious.